


Lovers When it's Cold

by Basil_Gray



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Casual Sex, Daddy Kink, Dom!Harry, Drabbles, Dubious Consent, M/M, Pining Eggsy, Possessive Behavior, Rough Sex, Smut, Some Plot, Sub!Eggsy, kind of asshole harry, non-con sort of, self-destructive Eggsy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-06-06 07:36:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6745216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basil_Gray/pseuds/Basil_Gray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy offers to help Harry relax, no strings attached, after a stressful day which quickly becomes a routine, but what happens when Eggsy wants more, and Harry's made it clear that he doesn't, but Eggsy can't say no to Harry?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let me help you

**Author's Note:**

> "Lovers When its Cold" is inspired by the song of the same title by Jack Strify. I want this to be a drabble fic where each chapter wont be very long and will contain mostly smut and some story. I find myself struggling writing smut, so this is going to be a fun exercise for me. Hope you enjoy!

Harry's had a stressful day. It had nothing to do with V-Day. That aftermath had long been taken care of. It was the constant supply of reports from agents on their missions, the funders wanting reports on Kingsman spending and gadget development, and reports on current events.

Reports, reports, and reports! Harry was sick of it, and on his last nerve too. So help the man that crosses him today because Harry couldn't guarantee their safety at this point. As if on Que, Eggsy comes bursting through his door not having any regard for Harry's privacy. On a normal day this would have been endearing to the older man, but this wasn't a normal day nor had it been a normal week.

The boy goes on about his last mission, which Harry had already read about in his report. Then he went on about something Merlin had said, and Roxy's response to what Merlin had said, and Harry felt like the droning just went on and on. All petty nonsense that he didn't understand why the boy came to him to tell it all too.

"Eggsy, my dear boy, as if I give a damn about your drama right now. Can't you see that I am busy?"

Harry waves his arms around the stacks of papers in a dramatic sarcastic kind of way.

"'Arry, this is what I meant when I said you need to get laid. Blow that steam off on someone else instead of all of us, guv.."

Harry gives him the same flabbergasted look he had gave him the first time Eggsy had suggested that he put himself 'out on the market' as he had put it. He was careful of casual hook ups. Harry wasn't interested in a serious relationship, and he had yet to find a casual sex partner that didn't end up wanting more in return. It was always the same with all of them.

They were so confident that they only wanted a physical relationship with Harry, but as time went on they either wanted more of his time, which he couldn't give because of Kingsman, or they wanted Harry to become emotionally invested, which he refused to do so. He hadn't always been like this, but from Harry's experience love made liars of people and when it didn't it would end up killing them instead.

"Eggsy if you can't keep your opinions to yourself and shut up, I'm going to shove something in that pretty little mouth of yours, and quiet you myself." Harry threatened, but it fell on deaf ears.

"Oh yeah, bruv? Got anything in mind because I do."

Eggsy looked the older man up and down defiantly, biting his lip and releasing it in a slow, lewdly manner. He was baiting Harry, the older man realized, and it surprised him to say the least. Eggsy never mentioned his sexual preference, but Harry had always just decided it was woman since his most recent rendezvous with Princess Tilde, and the fact that him and Roxy are always talking about female celebrities they would fuck/marry/kill - a game they liked to play they explained to Harry one time when his curiosity got the best of him.

"Pardon me, Eggsy?" Harry played along just to see how far Eggsy was brave enough to go.

"I said," the boy spoke up a little louder now,"I know what you can put in this pretty little mouth of mine to shut me up, bruv." Eggsy moved closer to Harry's desk now.

"You do? And what makes you think I'd be interested in your _suggestion_?"

"I don't, just letting you know it's an option in case ya are, might even help ya relax, bruv."

Eggsy was an extremely attractive young man just like his father, the epitome of male beauty in Harry's eyes, but he lacked the personality that Harry sought after. It had nothing to do with the boy's age or the way he acted, but that Harry could read in his actions with others that Eggsy would be the type to grow attached on an emotional level.

The boy was too sweet, and Harry had seen the sad puppy look he wore the first few weeks after he realized that his 'friendship' with the princess had become practically nonexistent. Harry got up from his seat, and walked over to the boy to quietly whisper in his ear.

"If I shut you up, Eggsy, this will be the first and last time only, no acceptions, and no gossip of it either otherwise you'll greatly regret it, darling. Do you understand?"

Harry's last words made Eggsy gulp. A dark shiver mixed of fear and lust ran down the boys spine from the ear that Harry spoke into.

"No strings attached, guv."

Harry was almost one hundred percent sure that Eggsy wouldn't be feeling that way for long, that he would be like the others, and demanding more from Harry, but the older man couldn't walk away from the boy's offer. Eggsy stirred a fire in his lower belly the moment the lad retaliated against him.He was already half-hard by the end of their conversation.

He wanted to dominate the boy, to force him to his knees, and to show him the raw and powerful side of Harry Hart.

Harry wanted to watch as the boy came undone in his grasp, and begged him for release until true tears fall from his eyes. The older man knew that if he didn't ride out his fantasy here and now that he would be regretting it for the next thirty or so years until he was dead in the ground.

Eggsy had also fantasized about this from the moment he laid eyes on Harry though he would never admit it. Not even to Roxy who undoubtedly knew all his dirty secrets, well not all of them obviously. He wanted to know what kind of lover Harry would be, and imagined all the ways he could be. His favorite was always the sweet, attentive Harry. The fatherly-like Harry that was gentle with him as they made love.

But as Eggsy would quickly realize Harry ain't that kind of lover. The young man was brought back to reality when Harry's fingers dug into his scalp, pushing him onto his knees. The boy lowered without resistance, and looked back up at Harry as if waiting for his next orders. Eggsy's lips were perfectly parted, a tint of scarlet colored them perhaps from being bitten earlier.

Harry took one of his hands, and cupped Eggsy's face. The boy reacted pressing his cheek harder into Harry's palm, and he took his thumb and swiped it across the boys lower lip before slipping it just slightly inside to scrape across his teeth.

"So you wanted me to put something in that pretty mouth of yours, but now you're silent why should I now? Where did all your cheekyness go boy?"

"I can start talking if ya like, but I'd much rather like to suck your cock, and I'm sure ya agree 'Arry since you shoved me down 'ere."

And the cheeky bastard was back, Harry thought to himself. His other hand rubbed at the back of Eggsy's head as he slipped two fingers inside of the boy's mouth. The fingers worked slowly in and out as Eggsy sucked on them gingerly. The fingers worked further to the back of Eggsy's throat as Harry tested just how much the boy could take.

He was satisfied at the control the young lad had when Harry reached the base of the boys throat and pressed down gently. He pulled out and smirked at the glassy eyes that stared back at him.

"Don't move from this spot dear boy, don't even blink. I want you to look into my eyes, nothing else, and I mean, _nothing else."_

Eggsy nodded in agreement as he found himself at a loss for words. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he was aloud to speak if he could somehow manage to form a sentence. Harry began to undo his belt and pants, and Eggsy was already finding it hard to not break his gaze from Harry. He wanted to watch those beautiful hands at work.

Eggsy heard the zipper slide down, and he could see from his peripheral vision that Harry had slipped his hand into his pants, and was now palming himself. The temptation grew more for Eggsy to lower his head and watch as Harry pumped himself inside his pants, and even more so when Harry finally brought out the cock he had been fantasizing about for so long.

It was a handsome size, not too hung or wide in girth to make sex uncomfortable like larger cocks tended to do. The head was a beautiful, almost red color due to arousal with a matching soft pink circumcision scar that looked neatly done unlike others Eggsy had seen. Eggsy wanted a better look, and so he tilted his head down to Harry's cock, forgetting about the man's orders.

"Ah-ah, my boy, not yet."

Harry cooed, and lifted the boy's head back up. Eggsy had just enough time to look at the neatly groomed patch of hair at the base of Harry's cock, and he was thankful the man was so dandy.

Harry worked his hand around his shaft, slicking the precum until his cock slid easily in his hand. Eggsy could here the wetness and knew Harry was preparing himself, so that he could slide in and out of his mouth with ease, but there was really no need for that, Eggsy's mouth was already wet and ready, having been salivating the moment his knees hit the ground.

Harry finally let go of himself to wrap both his hands behind Eggsy's head to steady the boy, and Eggsy knew that the moment had come that he would finally be tasting his mentor. Harry directed himself into Eggsy's mouth with his hips, the boy still looking up at him even as the tip of Harry's cock pressed between his lips demanding entrance.

Eggsy parted just enough so that his teeth still grazed along the shaft as Harry slowly inched his cock into the boy's mouth until the tip was at the base of his throat and his nose to the neat patch of hair. Eggsy inhaled deeply taking in the smell of Harry's musk, the smell further spiraling him into a lust-filled haze.

"Good boy"

Harry finally spoke again, and just as slowly as he entered, he pulled out of the boy's mouth just enough so that his lips lips were still wrapped around his head. Eggsy began to suck on it, although Harry had not instructed him to, and figured he was allowed to when Harry didn't stop him. He swiped his tongue across the slit and around the head before wrapping his lips once more around the head.

Harry groaned, and his hips bucked into the boy's mouth, causing him to choke at the sudden intrusion. Eggsy whined as he tried to hold back a fit of coughs, which only fueled Harry's desire to fuck the beautiful face that was staring back at him despite the tears that threatened to leak from the boy's eyes.

The older man bucked again, feeling his frustration from today's paperwork wane every time Eggsy let out a little whine. Harry drove into the boy's mouth again, and again, each time a little harder than the last.

Eggsy gagged as Harry's cock rammed the back of his throat, doing his best to steady his breathing as to not pass out. His lips tingled, barely able to feel them, and a mixture of saliva and precum dripped from the corners of his mouth running down his chin and neck as well.

Harry grew quiet, but the frustration in his eyes grew louder and darker as he began to reach his climax. Eggsy was praying to whoever was listening that Harry wouldn't pull out and finish in his hand. He wanted to taste Harry, to feel his load shooting down his throat as it coats it with a thick warmness.

Eggsy wanted to suck him until he was clean and soft in his mouth. Harry let out a series of grunts, his thrusts coming more desperately and out of rhythm until they shuddered, Harry buried Eggsy's face into his flesh as he shot his seed down the boy's throat. Eggsy mewled as he felt the heat coat his throat, and Harry could feel it vibrate throughout his softening cock.

He tried to pull out, but Eggsy eagerly sucked the older man, cleaning him as he had so desperately wanted to until the man was soft, and shuttering from the sensitivity caused by his orgasm.

Eggsy released him finally, and the older man tucked himself back inside his pants, and fixed his wardrobe back into pristine condition. Eggsy waited wondering what Harry had in mind for the boy's own release.

But, as he soon realized Harry hadn't had anything in mind. Instead he went back to his chair and to his paper work as if nothing had happen, leaving Eggsy still on his knees, his cock painfully hard in his dress slacks. Harry looked up from his paperwork, and to the disheveled boy in front of him.

"You may go now, Eggsy"


	2. Jealousy is An Ugly Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry doesn't like it when Eggsy gets handsy with his best mate (in Kingsman) after a mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more talking in this one I apologize, but some things needed to be said.

Eggsy is sitting in the rec room with Roxy, the two just having got back from a mission. Nothing serious just an undercover retrieval mission that required them to gain access to a facility, and steal something back. The mission was a short successful one- in and out as if they were never there.

They were cuddled up on the couch as they were accustomed to by now, each on one side, and Eggsy occasionally putting his 'stinky' feat, as Roxy had called them, in her lap to stretch out as he texted away on his phone.

"Hey Eggsy, do you think Arthur's been acting a little strange lately?"

The question came out of nowhere, and Eggsy did his best to act natural. No one had really asked him about Harry, and he thought that the two had been doing a good of keeping things back to normal.

"No, why do you say that?"

"I figured you would know since you're the one he keeps giving second glances too when he things no one is looking." Roxy's voice began to start sounding more suspicious.

"I don't know Rox, you could try asking him. I'm sure it's just 'Arry being 'Arry." Whatever that was suppose to mean, Eggsy thought, and he hoped it was enough for Roxy too.

Roxy could tell that Eggsy was done talking about that subject, and she watched the boy as he texted away on his phone, a laugh slipping from his mouth occasionally. His feet were in her lap again, and she slapped them away.

"Are you still texting that boy from the club?" She finally asked in the safety of privacy since Eggsy wasn't exactly 'out' yet.

"Yeah, he's kind of cute, ok he is cute, but what I mean is he says cute things. He's a little young for my taste, but he's growin' on me."

"Too young? What is your usual taste, Merlin? Harry? Please don't tell me Andrew."

Eggsy kicked her with his foot gently, and she kicked him back. They threw the pillows next at each other, and Eggsy succeeded in knocking Roxy's Kingsman glasses off which only encouraged her to pounce back at the boy. She tickled the boy, knowing his one weakness, to get him defenseless so she could pin him down. It worked, and she straddled the boy, holding him in place.

The laughing quieted, and the two both stared at each other, awkwardness and something else thickening the air. Roxy didn't know how to get off of Eggsy without 'irritating' the 'situation' further.

"Sorry Rox, I didn't meant to you know.."

"It's ok Eggsy."

She placed her hand on top of the one that rested subconsciously on her thigh. It was a daring move, but she took it. Eggsy kept his gaze on her, a thousand scenario's running through his head on how badly this could go according to what step he took next.

The mix of sexual frustration he had this last week from Harry, and the boy Jon from the club only fueled the tension that Roxy's soft arse created for him right now. She was his best mate in Kingsman, but she was also extremely beautiful and impressive in everything she did, and he was sure that her talents didn't just stop there.

His thumb slowly started to rub the inside of her thigh before they were interrupted by a clearing of someone's throat in the doorway. Eggsy knew that voice, but Roxy was the first to move and address their visitor. Eggsy was too embarrassed.

"Lancelot, Merlin is expecting you in his office. He couldn't contact you, and I see that it's because your glasses are over here." Harry said bending down to pick them up, and handed them to Roxy who was now standing at attention.

Harry looked past her at Eggsy who was still laying on the couch with his hands covering his eyes.

"Thank you Arthur, and I'm really sorry that you had to go out of your way to find me. I'll be more responsible next time."

"It's quite alright, I have to talk with Eggsy anyways."

She turned around, and said a quick goodbye to Eggsy, and then to Arthur before hurrying out the door. When she was far enough away, Harry locked the door behind him. Eggsy heard the click and quickly took his hands away from his eyes. Half of him had hoped that by some chance Harry would have changed his mind about talking with him and would leave to, but he wasn't that lucky.

"So did you really need to talk or..?" Eggsy said sitting up now on the couch.

Harry didn't acknowledge Eggsy as he took off his watch and glasses, and then his signet ring and cuff links. He shrugged his jacket off, tugged at his tie, and then pushed his sleeves up before turning back to Eggsy.

"So I guess it's the _or_ then. That's fine with me too guv, but we gotta talk about how ya left me unfinished last time."

Harry still said nothing as he came face to face with Eggsy, cupping his face with one of his hands and the other on the boy's shoulder to steady himself, and before the boy could say anything else Harry kissed him full on the lips. Eggsy's eyes stayed open during the whole act.

It was their first kiss, and it was perfect to Eggsy. It didn't happen the way he had imagined it would, but it was rough and passionate, and everything he could hope for. Harry's lips moved as gracefully as the older ex-Galahad had the first day they met.

The kiss softened when Harry darted his tongue out to lap at Eggsy's bottom lip, in which the boy opened up eagerly. His tongue wrapped around Harry's as soon as it entered his mouth. Their tongues danced together briefly before Harry pulled to finally speak to the boy.

"I had originally needed to speak with you, believe it or not, but I was blindsided by yours and Lancelot's position. I did not think you two had that kind of relationship." Harry's voice was dark, and Eggsy could sense the jealousy in his voice, and a bit of disappointment as well.

"We don't. We never 'ave, and probably wouldn't 'ave either if you didn't leave me so frustrated."

"So, what you're saying is it's my fault? Well I shouldn't make that same mistake twice then."

Harry undid his belt and pulled it off throwing it to the side of the room that the rest of his stuff sat. Eggsy twisted his body to look over at Harry when the older man sat in the spot Roxy had been earlier.

The older man gripped both his legs moving him into a laying position, and came to be seated on his knees between the boy's legs. Harry bent forward, and kissed him again on the lips, but did not beg to enter. Instead he began his journey downward first nipping at Eggsy's chin, then pressing a kiss to his adam's apple, and stopping at the dip at the base of Eggsy's neck to place another kiss.

Harry's hips rocked achingly slow as he paused at the bit of skin made visible by Eggsy's handy work he'd done earlier. Harry buried his face into the soft skin and inhaled deeply smelling a familiar scent. His cologne. The boy was wearing his brand. His new foundings sparked a bit of glee and a possessive feeling in his bones. He wanted the boy to always smell like him, and no one else.

Harry's nose trailed up the side of Eggsy's neck until it rested on the hairline just behind his ear.

"Never change your cologne." The man's voice was practically a growl in Eggsy's ear.

"You finally noticin' that? I've been wearin' it for months now ever since I saw it in your bedroom."

"When were you in my bedroom?" He looked up to look at the boy. "If I knew you were in there I wouldn't have let you out."

The statement made Eggsy shiver in so many delicious ways.

"When you was showerin' and you thought I was still sleepin' in the guest room."

Harry was impressed by the boy's stealth skills.

"And what were you looking for in there?"

"Was lookin' for your porn stash, wanted to know if you was interested in men too, wanted to know if I had a chance."

"Eggsy, I may be old, but I'm not behind the times completely. Everything is on my tablet."

Eggsy's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He should have known no one bought porn anymore really, they just downloaded it. Harry didn't tease him further, but instead got back to work nibbling down his throat, biting a little harder than needed, and Eggsy was sure that there would be a trail of red teeth marks for a few hours at least if he was lucky enough not to bruise.

One of Harry's hands propped him up as the other one rubbed down the boy's stomach and rested at his belt. He slipped his hand under the boy's shirt caressing the soft, not yet scarred, skin feeling all the grooves of muscles contracting under his touch.

That same hand went south once more, undoing Eggsy's belt, and then palming the lad who was almost completely hard. It made Harry seethe with jealousy as he thought that maybe some of that work was do to Roxy.

Eggsy let out a string of slurs that were too hushed to all be heard as he bucked into Harry's touch. The boy was a beautiful mess squirming under his touch, what was little gasps escaping his mouth became mewls as he got harder in Harry's hand.

Harry worked the boy's zipper open admiring the black boxer briefs he was wearing. Eggsy's head was already peaking out from underneath his underwear. It was a sinfully delicious sight, and Harry just wanted to bend down to kiss it, but held back undoing his own zipper instead.

Harry was already hard when he pulled down his own pants and underwear, his cock twitching when he caught sight of the boy's dark eyes staring at his erection, and licking his lips as he did so. Harry placed his hands at either side of the boy's hips and hooked his fingers underneath Eggsy's own pants and underwear, pulling them down letting the rest of that beautiful cock spring free.

It wasn't as hung as his own, but it was thicker and beautiful in color that only youth could provide. Eggsy was sure that Harry intended to top him, and he would be lying if he said he wasn't a bit scared of being the bottom. It would be his first time as he had always been the top. Harry would be taking his virginity in a sense, which he wants more than anything, but he wanted that to happen after Harry told him that he loves him, and he didn't see any declarations being made by Harry anytime soon.

"Harry I'm a virgin!" Eggsy blurted out before he could think about what he was saying.

Harry froze what he was doing, and only moved his head to look up at the boy, a small rebellious curl falling over one of his eyes that Eggsy absolutely loved. Harry almost couldn't believe what he just heard. The words were said, he knew that much for sure, he heard the boy loud and clear and anyone walking by probably could as well.

"I mean...ain't nobody ever been inside me before, Harry, I want it to be you, but I ain't ready."

The boy's face was innocent, which was saying a lot considering Eggsy's reputation, and sweet, oh so very sweet. Harry bent down again to capture the boys lips, his cock grazing against the other's as he nibbled on the lad's lower lip, sucking and teasing it until it was plumped red, all the while thrusting harder onto the boy's erection.

"F-Fuck 'Arry!" Eggsy breathed out, his moaning coming out a little louder than the last, and Harry wondered if he would need to quiet him somehow. He spotted Eggsy's tie barely hanging on the back of the couch and grabbed it. Eggsy looked at him questioningly, but let him stuff it in his mouth, letting out another mewl at the lewdity of it, and wished it was Harry's own tie instead.

"trust me, my boy, you're going to need it soon." Harry said as he grabbed hold of both of their cocks and positioned himself more steadily over the boy. He didn't move just yet, but instead whispered in the boy's ear, "If Lancelot ever sees you undone like this I will do everything in my power to make sure you two are never on the same continent. Do you understand?"

Eggsy nodded his head not able to tell him that he had nothing to worry about between him and Roxy as long as Harry gave him the attention he craved.

"Good boy."

Harry began a slow rhythm as he bucked between his own hand and Eggsy's cock, rubbing against the boy perfectly. Eggsy's whimpers were dampened by the tie as Harry had hoped it would do, they became more throaty and raw and soon it was the only sound in the room beside the wet, slipping sounds of their cocks rubbing together. 

Eggsy squeezed his eyes shut trying to suppress a louder moan that threatened to escape when he felt Harry's balls slapping into his own. The feeling alone was salacious enough to make Eggsy want to cum. He opened his eyes again when Harry bit down onto his trap, the older man trying to hold back his own groan. Harry's grunts filled his ears and it was all he could focus on, everything else became white noise, and his own whines synchronized with Harry's.

Before he could stop himself, Eggsy splurt between Harry's cock and hand, some of it shooting up on his own chest. The sight of it drove Harry over the edge as he pumped harder between his hand and Eggsy's half hard cock, the boy's warm seed making it hard for him to hold onto the two.

Eggsy whined and writhed under him as he continued to abuse the boy's sensitive cock, finally sending Harry over the edge and releasing his own load onto Eggsy's chest, leaking down the boy's skin and onto his shirt.

Eggsy spit out the tie, finally allowing himself to get a decent breath before smiling that charming smile up at Harry.

"'Arry that was the best sex I've ever had." The boy's eyes were full of admiration as he said each word.

"That, my boy, was outercourse, but I'm flattered nonetheless."

Eggsy noticed that Harry was much more gentle this time around compared to the first time they were together. Harry noticed this to and quickly rectified the situation before giving the boy any wrong ideas, keeping his next words short and distant afterwards.

He could tell Eggsy was disappointed, but he had to remind himself that Eggsy knew when they started this what he was getting into, and he hoped that he wouldn't end up like the others. Maybe he needed a reminder.

"Well," Harry said standing up and going to the table with napkins taking out a few before tossing the box to Eggsy, "I guess I will see you later with your report then."

Eggsy watched the older man as he moved to the table with his things and put everything back on, picking up his belt from the floor as well, and fixing his jacket just as he had done before. He could already feel the distance growing between them, and he knew that Harry wasn't going to come back and kiss him on his forehead or offer to help clean him up.

Harry was back to business, and Eggsy wondered how long he would have to wait this time for Harry to want him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes there maybe an OC entering this story to cause a little drama for Hartwin. Jon Kortajarena another Spanish model/actor I love.


	3. Daddy Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone's having daddy issues and is being a bit too clingy, and gets called out for it. The boys find something out about themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And if you were my little girl  
> I'd do whatever I could do  
> I'd runaway and hide with you  
> I love that you got daddy issues  
> And I do too" - Daddy Issues, The Neighborhood  
> Warning: There is some mild Daddy kink and slightly non-con stuff in this chapter. No depictions of intense struggling, just Eggsy giving in to Harry's every whim with slight (mental) discomfort. Sorry ahead of time guys if that's triggering. ;u;

It had been only a few days since that episode with Eggsy in the rec room. It was reckless of Harry to pull such a stunt somewhere they could be easily found out. He knows this to as he sits at his desk, feeling the displeasure he had experienced seeing Lancelot settled in Eggsy's lap as if he was watching it over again on his laptop.

His laptop. Harry's staring at it now, his fingers still hovering over the keys contemplating if he should ask Merlin why he can't find a single footage of the two agents or himself entering that room or leaving it for that matter.

Maybe they had all three been discovered by Merlin. It would be like him to check in on his activities; he's been doing it for the last twenty odd years. Perhaps he sabotaged the cameras at that time or _accidentally_ deleted the footage for that day, either way he was happy that the evidence was rid of. But, not so happy that he was sure that his long time colleague had some leverage over him now, he was sure of it. Merlin wouldn't pass up the opportunity if he had it.

As if on queue, Harry gets a notification. He clicks on the pop-up smiling as he sees the report on his screen. It was Merlin's format indeed. _Cameras were down for personal maintenance between 12:35 and 5:00 of the 8th of December..sorry for the inconvenience._ And if he knew his friend, he'd be getting a personal call from him soon.

His personal mobile buzzed in his coat pocket, and Harry answered it without skipping a beat.

"How much did you see?"

"I saw you at the table taking your things off one by one, and I've seen you on enough honeypots in the twenty years to know where that's going. What the hell Harry? Since when? I thought he was your boy? At least that's what you've been telling me since his training days!"

Merlin's words come out in a rush, and as quiet as a dumbfounded Scot with too much worry for his own good could be. He was sure that if they were any place else Merlin would be screaming at him asking him _what the-_

"-hell are you thinking!? Are you even thinking, what now that you've defied death and have retired from the field you've also retired your ability to think too? Or, are you just getting cocky in your older age?"

And there it was, Harry thought, Merlin always had a way with words when it came to lecturing someone on their attitude or actions as Eggsy had also found out in his early days.

"I didn't plan this Merlin-" Harry started, but was cut off.

"Oh you didn't huh? So what, did Eggsy just waltz up into your office and seduce you?"

"Yes, actually."

"You mean this isn't the first time? Christ..." Harry can hear his sigh clearly from the other end of the line.

"Let's talk about this later, ok Harry?"

"Yes, I'd prefer that Merlin."

Merlin hung up first, and Harry put his mobile back in his coat pocket before putting it on the coat rack, finally feeling comfortable enough to take it off and settle into his work.

Harry wished he had a legitimate excuse to call in Eggsy, so he could have his way with him. Being somewhat embarrassed and stressed that their fellow Kingsman knew about their escapades sadly wasn't enough to warrant the use of the boy's body. He couldn't risk the type of intimacy that was accidentally shared between the two last time, lest he cause Eggsy to begin to feel confused about their _arrangement_.

But if he couldn't seduce his boy today, then he would damn sure make it so no one else could.

\----------------

And there Harry was again for the _thousandths_ time today. This was getting ridiculous. Don't get Eggsy wrong, he loved Harry being around to correct him when he needed correcting, or helping him perfect a technique at the shooting range, or even his latin, which Eggsy was failing at horribly and Harry just happen to be fluent at it. Out of all the languages Eggsy picked too.

But Harry was going overboard, as if he wasn't aloud any idle time or something. He had not even sat down for five minutes with the other guys when Roxy walked in - whom he hasn't seen all day, ready to join the conversation, and who coincidentally comes walking in as well, with, you'll never believe, something else that Eggsy _just needed_ to do. Harry fucking Hart. Or as he should be calling him, his fucking Dad.

Wasn't Arthurs suppose to sit in their offices all day, and be cranky old men with too much paperwork not nosy parents?

"Eggsy, if you don't mind could you accompany me to the tailor shop? I need help making a decision on a certain item."

"Sorry guys," Eggsy turns back to his Kingsman mates at the table they were sitting at, "Dad's callin." Eggsy says as cheeky as he can muster.

"Awe Daddy Arthur need help choosing between leather or suede gloves? _Your boy_ Galahad likes leather, if you know what I mean." Bors would fucking open his mouth and say something like that. And wink, fuck did he just fucking wink at Harry? Is he mental?

"Bors, I see things are getting a little too warm for you here in London. Perhaps a mission to Siberia will cool you down." And Harry would react with such passive aggressive behavior that would only make things feel more awkward for Eggsy.

He makes a mental note to get back at Bors somehow. He didn't know how, but he was going to make it happen sooner or later.

Eggsy knew that his cheeks were already flushed, but it didn't help when he looks back at Roxy who is giving them a scrutinizing look. He felt like if he looked at her any longer she would be able to read his thoughts, and he couldn't have that, so he turned back to Harry who was waiting for his reply.

"Let's go, Harry."

They went exactly where Harry said they were going. It wasn't and innuendo for some kinky ass foreplay in his office. Andrew was waiting for him with two sets of fabric which Eggsy hadn't recalled seeing in the shop before, and he felt like an arse for the way he behaved earlier.

"So you wasn't lyin' about needin' me here to help you.."

"Of course not, what did you think I meant?" Harry's query was genuine, but it didn't take long for him to figure it out.

"Ah, I see. No Eggsy, I really meant that I needed your help making a decision."

Eggsy looks between the two fabrics, one of them was the prettiest blue he had ever seen, almost like a deep indigo, like a color you'd see in a peacock's feathers. He runs his fingers over it, imagining what it wold look like as a suit on Harry. He always thought grey was Harry's color, but he'd much like to be clenching onto this fabric when he and Harry snog.

"What do you think of this one 'Arry?"

"It's very nice. I'll take this one Andrew, thank you."

Andrew disappears somewhere into the shop with both the fabrics leaving just the two together. The silence was starting to feel awkward between the two, but Eggsy didn't know what to say, and realized it was beginning to be like that more often than not in Harry's presence. He wondered if their new relationship was to blame. Whatever it was he didn't like it.

"So was that it?" he finally says to Harry who is looking at some ties.

"Yes, that's quite it. Thank you Eggsy, should we get back now?"

Eggsy nods and they walk into the fitting room to head back to Kingsman though when they get inside Harry doesn't pull the lever, instead they are staring at each other in the mirror. Eggsy notices a slight movement from Harry, and he only sees a glimpse of black.

Harry closes the small space between the two of them, pressing his body firmly into his backside. He nuzzles his nose into Eggsy's nape, and takes in the smell of the boy's cologne. Their cologne. It pleased him to know Eggsy hadn't changed it up.

 _This is really going to happen. Right here in the Kingsman lift. Where there is definitely security cameras for sure!_ Eggsy is screaming in his head, but his thoughts are soon quieted by knew ones when Harry grips his arms, and Eggsy sees Harry's signature black _leather_ gloves.

Had he said something to Bors while he was drunk or was it pure coincidence that he said that he liked leather because the man wasn't wrong. Eggsy loved those gloves in particular.

Harry's nose creeps to his ear now, and the warm breath makes his skin rise. He sucks in a breath as his body becomes rigid against Harry's own.

"Is it true?" His voice was already husky, and they had just only begun.

"Is wot?"

One of Harry's arms snakes around his waist while his other hand comes up to grip Eggsy just below his jaw, but not too hard to impair his speech. The forcefulness of it causing his cock to twitch to life, which was a big surprise to himself after being man handled by Dean most his teen years he didn't think he'd be inclined to such things, but it was Harry after all. He'd probably let him spit on him if he wanted too.

"Leather gloves."

" _Fuck_ , yes Harry." _Anything you fucking wear_ he wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out with out a whine, and he wasn't about to give Andrew an earful.

"And tell me my darling boy, how does Bors know this?" His tone was coated with something familiar, like when Harry spoke about Roxy. Hell, Harry best get that jealousy issue in check or none of Kingsman will be safe.

"Pure coincidence, I swear 'Arry. I've said nothing!"

Harry lets out a throaty sigh blowing more hot air into his ear causing his whole body to shiver this time. The arm wrapped around his waist moves as Harry tugs at the shirt tucked neatly in his trousers, his other hand still gripping his jaw, but a little tighter now.

The same hand that mussed up his shirt moves at this belt now unbuckling it, and Eggsy thinks _Oh hell no is Harry ruining designer gloves on my dick._ He begins to squirm, trying to get out of Harry's grasp without drawing too much attention to themselves. This room wasn't exactly soundproof after all.

"'Arry, stop not hear."

His voice is reduced to just a tiny mewl when Harry slips his gloved hand into his pants. The chilled leather is a strong contrast against his heated cock, warm with the rush of blood from his erection.

"Shh, let daddy take care of you, darling."

"Daddy? Fuck 'Arry you can't just say those things."

Eggsy lets out another moan as Harry swipes his thumb across his slit. He can feel the precum smearing across the older man's expensive gloves, and it makes him uneasy knowing they'll be ruined because of him. They're Armani for fucks sake, and Harry's just going to throw out all that money, like he's paying for Eggsy's cock, and he doesn't like that. He ain't a rentboy!

"'Arry _please_." But he's ignored once again as Harry spreads the boy's juices further down the gloves, squeezing him hard at the base before sliding his hand back down to the tip, like Harry was milking him.

"How does Italian leather feel on your cock, Eggsy, my boy?" _Like fucking heaven if heaven was sinful_ , but Eggsy wasn't going to encourage him.

"Answer Daddy, that's what you called me isn't it? Dad? I can be your Daddy Eggsy you just have to say it."

Harry still in his ear, whispered like the serpent Lucifer, and he was Eve being tempted to take a bite. And like Eve he took it knowing what he would be unleashing into their world.

" _G-Good_ , _Daddy, it feels good."_ Eggsy was barely able to squeak out.

Harry slips a finger into the boy's mouth pressing onto his tongue, the taste of oiled leather, though not good, causes him to flush more, and Eggsy can feel the heat of it creeping down his neck.

Eggsy bravely glances in the mirror for the first time since they began, and saw his disheveled image staring back at him. He was completely undone.

Harry though was still together except for his eye that was dilated so that he really looked like something sinful and not of this world. His eye didn't waver from Eggsy's image. It was sharp and intense, and it made Eggsy feel more exposed than he already was.

Harry's hand let go of his cock finally only to unzip his pants, tugging them down just enough to pull it out for Eggsy to see.

"I want you to watch yourself as I make you cum into this glove." Harry drawled out never breaking eye contact with Eggsy.

"Y-Yes Daddy" Eggsy somehow mutters with the older mans finger still massaging his tongue in his mouth.

Harry's hand was around his cock again giving it a squeeze before jerking it in a circular motion, twisting and pulling roughly causing Eggsy to let out little whimpers. Harry presses another finger inside his mouth much like the first time in his office, moving them in and out. Eggsy wanted to close his eyes, but he stayed obedient to Harry's instruction.

"You're beautiful, you know that right, Eggsy? You shine so bright, you're the first person I see in a room full of people."

Harry's praises began to swell in his heart, and for this moment he allowed himself to believe that Harry truly meant what he said, and that he wasn't just drunk on lust; how some people become when you spend the night with them, but only to wake up alone not hearing from them ever again.

Eggsy wants to hear more from Harry, but the older man doesn't say a word instead he works his thumb across his head again, this time teasing around the edges of it as his hand continues to jerk him off.

Harry only has to tug two more times before Eggsy is convulsing, and Harry is cupping his hand around the boy's head catching all his seed in the palm of his hand. Eggsy's chest is heaving more so than it should be. Harry senses his distress, and lets the boy go.

Eggsy hastily pulls himself back together with Harry still standing there with his cum in his gloved hand. It only makes him more frustrated seeing it, and not thinking he slaps Harry across the face though not as hard as he wanted too, but just enough to get his point across.

"It seems I have made a mistake." Harry's voice is low as he brings up his clean hand to touch the skin heated by Eggsy's assault.

"Yes, 'Arry! H-How could you...no nevermind."

Eggsy turns to the door to leave just before Harry calls out to him.

"Where are you going?"

"Out, I gotta get out of here. I need some fresh air if I'm going to cool off."

Harry watched as Eggsy disappeared behind the closing door, still confused as to what he did wrong. No matter how many times he played it back in his mind, he couldn't figure out what part of this the boy didn't enjoy.

He looked down at the soiled glove still on his hand. There was absolutely no place to wipe it clean, so with no choice he peeled the glove off carefully and slipped it into his coat pocket opposite of his mobile much to his dislike.

And so, Harry walked around the rest of the day with Eggsy's mess in his pocket hoping that he didn't smell like sex to those he came in contact with. Eggsy came back a few hours later, but he didn't approach the boy. He still needed more time to figure out what he did wrong.

Eggsy looked at him though; it was a guilty look much like the one he gave him right before he left for the church, and he didn't like it. He never wanted to see that look again, but here he was again. And he wondered if he would always be repeating mistakes with Eggsy.

He finally started back to his office when he felt his unsoiled pocket buzzing. He knew who it was, and had an inkling of an idea of what it was concerning.

"Yes Merlin?"

"What the bloody hell Harry! The _lift, really?_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your opinions I promise my feelings will only slightly be hurt, but I need it to improve! Thank you! 
> 
> Also leather glove scene was hard for me to write (writerisvegan) but I understand that gentlemen only where the best, and Harry is a gentlemen.....sometimes.  
> Also why Eggsy is upset will be explained in better detail by Eggsy in the next chapter don't worry! :3


	4. Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short, sweet chapter in which the boys make up. Harry gives Eggsy a little affection for hurting his feelings as his apology. Eggsy is ruined after that, and Harry begins to remember things he'd fought hard to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that these two keep going around in circles, but we all know you don't care as long as there is Hartwin action. ;] lol jk omg.
> 
> Also, this was suppose to be short, but oops. :p

Now that the red mark his hand left on Harry's face had vanished, Eggsy could be properly irked with Harry. Yes he could have been more verbal with his feelings, but how could he when someone he was sure he was practically in love with had his hand around his dick? But still, Harry is a trained spy he should have noticed his distress sooner.

It was only the next day, but Harry still hadn't approached him. Not even after all the dirty looks Eggsy had been giving him. And Merlin, that bald Scot, Eggsy was sure that he was biting his tongue around Eggsy like he wanted to say something, but lacked the balls too.

Then it dawned on Eggsy. He saw what happen, he must have, what other reason would Merlin have to be extra careful with his words around Eggsy. Speaking of the, what is it older people say, the devil? Merlin walks in with a hefty stack of reports and calls out to the three of them that are sitting there, Roxy, Eggsy, and Kay.

"I need someone to take this up to Arthur's office." He says dropping the stack onto one of the tables nearby.

Here was his chance at getting that apology he thought as Eggsy raised his hand up like they were in grade school.

"I'll take it, guv." But Merlin ignored him as if he hadn't said anything, still waiting for someone, not Eggsy, to volunteer. But no one did, and Eggsy picked up the papers sticking his tongue out at Merlin as he left. Merlin gave him a look that only a parent would give when telling their child to behave.

Eggsy was in front of Harry's office clearing his throat and adjusting his coat before walking in with what he would like to call; Harry's punishment.

"'Ello 'Arry" He said far to cheerfully, and it threw Harry off guard.

Harry then saw it..the dreaded stack of reports, and he knew that the boy was now being cheeky. Eggsy dropped the stack of papers on his desk with a hard thud much like Merlin had done earlier, a look of _ah ha!_ on his face as he put his hands on his hips.

"Good day, Harry." Eggsy turned on his heel and was almost to the door when Harry finally spoke up.

"Eggsy, if you have a moment there's something I wanted to discuss with you."

"Sure, guv. What is it?"

"Yesterday you were quite, _unhappy_ with me when you left. I thought about it all day and night, but I can't figure out what I did wrong. I can see that you're still upset with me, and I want to apologize, but I also want to know what I'm apologizing about."

Eggsy took a deep breath and let out an equally big huff. Harry deserved an explanation, but he also didn't feel like accidentally crying in front of Harry, and not because he's sad or anything, it's just that when he gets frustrated the water works start sometimes.

"Harry, I don't know how to explain so that you understand.."

Harry could tell that Eggsy was already starting to get upset with his lower lip doing that little tremble it does much like a childs. He wondered if the boy even realized that he was doing it.

"Eggsy...come here." Harry did his best at not sounding like he was patronizing the boy as he waved him over.

He came back from behind his desk and leaned up against it. Eggsy stopped in front of him, at least a foot of space between them. He reached out and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but Eggsy shrugged it off.

"Harry," Eggsy started again, "I don't wanna feel like your rent boy."

Eggsy looked up and saw the shocked expression on Harry's face, his lips gaping open like a fish from not knowing how to respond to such a statement.

"I know you dinnit mean to, but...what I mean is I don't want us spending time together to cost ya anything. I'm a grown man with needs, and you just happen to give me what I need. I'm not for sale. I don't want gifts, fancy dinners, and I damn sure don't want you wasting money on me either. I know those gloves are ruined, and I know they were expensive, bloody hell Harry I really liked those gloves on you. Forget it. You know what that feels like to me, someone who values money? It feels like you just threw it away on my dick. I tried telling you, and yes I know I dinnit do a good job putting up a fight, but damn Harry you could have at least asked me to make sure instead of just shutting me up. Hell 'Arry it's not that I don't ever want another gift from you again, but I want it because it's my birthday or I did a good job on a mission or you went on a trip and got me something while you were there. Ok?"

Harry stayed quiet and patient through Eggsy's whole speech. He listened to every word making sure that he did not miss a beat, and felt awful when a few stray tears fell halfway through his explanation. The boy finally got quiet and Harry saw this as his chance to apologize. He didn't know what was acceptable, so he did what felt natural not even thinking about consequences.

Right now all that mattered was his boy, the one he saw so much potential in, his protege that took his codename with so much glee when he was offered a variety of others, a young man that continued to make him proud everyday.

"Eggsy...I'm so sorry," he pushed himself up off his desk and wrapped his arms around the boy, "that is never what I intended to do. I'd never want you to feel that way."

Harry meant it too, hell he had taken out a whole room of thugs because they had made that same claim about the boy. Eggsy buried his face into the crook of Harry's neck.

"I just thought that you respected me is all, saw me as a man...I don't need your charity anymore 'Arry."

"I know, dear boy, I know. You are a man otherwise I'd never have agreed to this. You are my equal, and I want you to feel like you're treated that way. Please, let me know what I can do to make it up to you."

Eggsy raised up to look at Harry with a sheepish look about his countenance. He knew that look, and knew that the boy was about to ask him something. Usually it would be for something inappropriate like testing Kingsman weapons that didn't need testing and blowing stuff up or taking some of the vehicles out for a spin not for Kingsman business.

"Well you see..when you was holdin' me and stuff..well I kind of...I _really_ like the way you smell 'Arry."

"Ok?" Harry said, trying to figure out where Eggsy was even going with this.

"Yeah, well I kind of got a boner, an' I don't really feel comfortable going back to work like this." He says with both his hands pointing down towards his hard on. A wide grin adorned his face when Harry looked back at him making him look much younger than he was. Harry smiled too, it was the Unwin charm that caused him to smile when Eggsy did, at least that's what the boy always told him.

_The Unwin Charm..._

Harry began to zone out, but he couldn't let his mind wonder there, no, definitely not after all his hard work.

"Harry?" He heard Eggsy's voice, quiet, but enough to keep him from drifting further into that dark space.

Harry didn't answer him back, but instead cupped his face and kissed him first for the second. It was tender and warm, and made Eggsy weak in the knees. Harry felt the boy melt into his grip, and he held on tighter not daring to let go in fear that he would fall to a mess at his feet.

Eggsy pushed back into Harry until his backside connected with his desk again. Harry let go of the boy, and braced himself with both hands on his desk now as he looked down at the very eager boy. They both stared at each other, huffs of breaths mingling, both waiting to see who the others move was going to be.

Eggsy's next move was careful, he knew what he wanted, but he decided to test his limits with Harry to make sure not to fuck anything up. His first move was safe, taking one of his hands off of Harry's hip, not realizing til then that he had placed them there, and gently slid Harry's glasses off, admiring how perfect Kingsman made the older man's prosthetic eye.

He did the same with his own, tossing both pairs onto the desk, and put his hand around the back of Harry's neck, pulling him down to his level to press a hungry, open-mouthed kiss onto Harry's lips. His tongue darted out swiping at his mentors lips that opened just enough for him to slip inside, his tongue grazing against the mans teeth as he explored Harry's mouth.

His other hand dug harder into Harry's hip, pressing him a little more firmly into the desk to make sure he stayed there, and didn't try to flip them places. Eggsy's hips rocked into Harry's, and was thankful for the mans bent form that made it possible.

When he was sure that Harry wasn't going to budge, he took his hand off the man's hip and started working on his belt, slipping it through the loops, and dropping it to the floor. Harry didn't protest when Eggsy then undid his pants as well, sliding his hand inside to palm the older man first through his underwear. The soft fabric became more wet as Eggsy worked his hands around his cock.

Harry let out a hiss when Eggsy finally pulled out of his mouth, both interlocking their gazes, irises blownout from the mutual attraction and hunger for each other. Harry was a mess, and Eggsy wondered just how far he could take this. He went a step further, pulling Harry's cock out thumbing the tip before working up and down the shaft, but not fast enough for Harry to get off. No, Eggsy had other plans.

He jerked Harry until he was almost to his limit and stopped causing the older man to have to begin all over again. Each time a sigh of sexual frustration slipped through his lips until Harry could stay quiet no longer.

"Am I going to have to beg for you to let me cum?"

"As much as I'd love to see that 'Arry, it's not going to be my hand that's going to make you cum, bruv."

Eggsy flashed that damn smirk at him and fucking winked like the cheeky bastard he was. Harry wanted to ask him how he intended to do that, but at this point was too horny to give a damn he just wanted release already.

He watched as Eggsy undid his own pants, the boys cock already fully hard and leaking so much that it made Harry's mouth water. He wanted to slide off of his desk desperately, drop to his knees, and suck the boy off, but his body no longer listened to him as it waited there for Eggsy's promise.

Eggsy's hands hooked themselves underneath his thighs, his arms coming up to hook around the boy's neck as if it was natural, and let himself be hoisted onto his desk. Harry rested his forehead on his proteges and he could see the young man smiling at him. Something about it made his heart ache, and before he could think about the feeling anymore, Eggsy kissed him as he wrapped his hand again around his cock. The boy then grabbed his own hand and wrapped it around his cock so that they could jerk themselves off together.

Harry followed the boy's tempo which was slow, achingly slow, almost to the point of driving him mad, but he followed nonetheless.

"Harry, I want this to feel good for you too." Eggsy whispered on his lips.

 _Of course it will feel good for me too why wouldn't it?_ Harry wanted to say, but he was far too gone to voice complete sentences.

"Harry, fuck I want to be inside you so bad...fuck..with your long sexy as fuck legs wrapped around me as I drive into you. Harry, _please_."

He wasn't sure if this was the boy engaging in dirty talk or if he was making an actual request, but what ever it was it was convincing enough, and before he could think, because he was past thinking at this point, he gave the boy an answer.

" _Yes, Eggsy_ " The words were almost incoherent, thick and hoarse, but of course Eggsy would understand him.

"Really?" The boy's excitement was enough to cause a warm feeling pool in his lower belly, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could last.

" _Yes, I want you too, Eggsy_ "

Harry didn't need to tell him a third time he was already yanking his mentor's pants off, and pressing him down until his back was flushed with the desk. He scooted closer to the man, grabbing hold of both of his thighs, and pulled them towards him until Harry's lower back was still barely touching the desk.

Eggsy began to push a finger inside of him, but Harry stopped him before he could get all the way inside.

" _No, I wont last if you do that_ "

Eggsy felt his cock twitch at Harry's words. He was ready to shove his cock inside, prepared or not, but he didn't want to hurt Harry. He didn't just want to fuck Harry; he wanted to show the man how much he loved him, fuck, since he wasn't aloud to tell him.

"'Arry I don't want to hurt you."

" _I want it to._ "

"Fuck 'Arry I'm not going to argue with you."

Eggsy's impatience finally showing itself as he yanked Harry closer to him one more time. Harry's slender legs wrapped around him for support as Eggsy directed his cock to Harry's entrance, biting down on his own lip at the idea of him taking him raw like this. Eggsy pushed inside a little quickly hoping that it would help with the pain, and Harry jerked his head to the left seeing their glasses.

He could see his debauched reflection staring back at him, and taking his hand he pushed them completely off the desk until they clattered onto the floor.

Eggsy waited until he felt Harry relax around him before moving again. He pulled out slowly until it was just his tip inside, and pushed back inside. He could hear the older man letting out muffled grunts, and Eggsy was sure it was because of the pain, but he was going to change that soon.

He kept his movements like that until there was enough precum built up inside Harry for him to slide in and out easily. As he predicted Harry's grunts turned into hushed whimpers, and it was the most beautiful sound Eggsy had ever heard.

He pumped in and out of Harry faster now, and noticed that when he hooked his hips up Harry would let out a wanton mewl that shot sparks down Eggsy's middle. He continued with that motion sliding out of Harry, and ramming back into him, hooking his hips up to slam into his prostate. Both of Harry's hands flew up to clasp around his mouth, but Eggsy wasn't going to have that.

"No 'Arry, I wanna hear you."

" _Eggsy.." Not him..._

The boy thrusted faster in and out, and he was thankful for Harry's sturdy oak desk.

" _Eggsy.." Not him..._

Eggsy pushed again inside him, ramming his prostate until Harry was splurting up his own chest, making it as far as his chin. Eggsy stared down at the mess he caused feeling his own heat pool until he was releasing deep inside of Harry. He had meant to pull out, but something territorial crept into his being, wanting to leave his scent deep in Harry. Harry was his.

He pulled out gently and quickly grabbed the tissue box behind Harry. He cleaned Harry's face first, his innocent cherub face replacing the debauched countenance he wore earlier. Harry tried to grab for some tissues to clean himself, but Eggsy put a gentle, but firm, hand to his chest coaxing him to lie back down.

"Let me, 'Arry." And he smiled down at him.

He watched as the boy cleaned him up, he was attentive and sweet unlike any lover he had before. Eggsy was particularly gentle when it came to cleaning his hole, but he still winced under Eggsy's touch. There was blood, and it made the boy feel guilty even though Harry had wanted it like this.

"I'm so sorry 'Arry." Eggsy began, but Harry put up a hand in protest.

"Don't be, we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, besides a little pain can be enjoyable every once and a while dear boy."

"So..." The boy looked at him again sheepishly.

"Yes?"

"How was I? I _know_ , everyone knows you're not suppose to ask, but.."

"You were absolutely perfect, darling." Harry praised him. He knew that was what the boy was wanting, and it wasn't a lie either. Eggsy was perfect, and beautiful, and at the same time he scared Harry with the command he had over him during sex.

 Eggsy finished getting dressed, and approached Harry who was still resting on his desk, fully clothed now though with his feet firmly planted on the ground as if he was going to get up any moment. Eggsy took his chance. He bent down giving Harry one more kiss to the lips, he didn't care if it was aloud or not, and luckily Harry kissed back.

"Well, I'm gettin' back to work now 'Arry, see ya." Eggsy beamed down at him.

"Yes, darling."

The way that Harry kept using that endearing term, so gently and naturally, made Eggsy want to get out of there quickly before he could cock-up his beautiful moment with Harry. He was ruined now he knew it for sure after being inside Harry, the intimacy, he knew that it would never be the same again with anyone else.

Eggsy was back in Merlin's office to let him know that the reports had been delivered safely. Merlin kept staring at him funny, and he could tell that he was contemplating saying something to him.

"Ok bruv, wot is it? You got somethin' to say, yeah?"

"You're not wearing your glasses, and you skipped a button hole on your shirt. And no, I don't want to know just give me the time periods, so I can delete the footage."

Eggsy's cheeks flushed as he gave the man the time.

"'Bout 11:00 to 12ish? Not quite sure bruv wasn't really payin' attention if ya know what I mean."

He winked at the Scot before walking out of his office, the older man just shaking his head as he left.

+

+

+

Ok I couldn't wait to share, but this is Jon. He'll most likely be in the next chapter or the one after that, not sure yet. :3

here he is being beautiful and precious

and here he is trying to seduce Colin Firth's character in 'A Single Man'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you may be wondering, "Doesn't Harry like Eggsy? Why wont he admit his feelings since Eggsy obviously has feelings for him?"
> 
> well...my Harry has spent many years being bitter and unattached in the romantic department (boarder line aromantic) and I say this because he has experienced romantic attraction at least one point in his life, but currently he does not (sorry guys, but there is a reason merlin said that harry called eggsy "his boy" you'll find out later don't want to spoil too much). And he's bitter and cynical, and yeah...
> 
> I also need to know how you guys feel about cheating, and alcohol, and yeah I really don't want you guys to hate me or the fic if I go down the path I originally saw this story going. It's kind of messed up. o.O


	5. New Fling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of Eggsy's 'harmless' flirting lands him in a tight spot with a beautiful Spanish model...with Roxy's help ofcourse.
> 
> "Cause I have hella feelings for you  
> I act like I don't fucking care  
> Like they ain't even there  
> Cause I have hella feelings for you  
> I act like I don't fucking care  
> Cause I'm so fucking scared  
> I'm only a fool for you  
> And maybe you're too good for me" - Blackbear "idfc"  
> (this song was my muse for this chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A strictly Eggsy chapter with a snippet of Harry at the end aka my excuse to cause drama for Harry. :3  
> Also, you don't have to listen to it, but the song I provided in the summary is like Eggsy's feelings and insecurities made into a song. It does a good job explaining why he gives into Harry so easily. xD Poor Egg..

Eggsy felt like he was having deja vu. He was lounging on the couch with Roxy after another week long mission in Turkey where they had to pose as a happily married couple.

At which Eggsy failed at miserably when he was caught shagging the cute bell hop, that _Roxy_ was eyeing, by one of the hostess of the hotel. He figured she was still annoyed with him about that by the way she kept huffing at him.

"Ah c'mon Rox how was I suppose to know you was interested? You never said anything."

"Do I need to voice it out loud every time I'm interested in someone, why can't you just chill out and let someone else have some fun too?"

"Wots that suppose to mean?"

"I mean that you've been hooking up with someone on the last four missions we've been on together, and I've been having to pick up your slack while you have fun. Besides, I thought you and Harry had something going on. Shouldn't you take his feelings into consideration?"

Eggsy let out a series of violent chokes every time he tried to regain his composure which only made his next words even more unbelievable to his best mate.

"Me an' Harry..there's nothing going on there Rox."

"Right, that's why Bors is in Siberia, and Harry has gone back to calling me Roxanne."

She looked at him with her eyebrow cocked, and a smug grin on her face.

"He really sent him there?"

"Yeah he's been there for two weeks now when he was only suppose to be there for three days. You can't tell me there's nothing going on when I've seen with my own eyes the way he looks at you."

Roxy is a spy, and a damn good one at that. This he knew. She was also one of his closest friends now that he barely had time for his old mates, so it was safe to say Roxy had already began to notice Eggsy's quirks when he tries to lie. He was stuck because he knew either way this went, he was going to betray the agreement between him and Harry.

He tucked his glasses away before motioning to Roxy's. She did the same, and sat up straighter, leaning towards Eggsy like she was about to hear the gossip of the year.

"Ok, you're not completely wrong Rox-"

"I knew it!"

"Yeah, yeah but that ain't it. It's just sex. Harry..he made me practically take a sworn oath to agree that this was just casual, no string attached y'know."

"What? That doesn't seem like Harry at all? Are you sure we're talking about the same Harry? That man adores you, everyone see's it. Why do you think Bors gave you two such a hard time."

"About that Rox, how'd the hell did he know about the leather gloves thing?"

"You may have mentioned it..one time when we were all out drinking. You kept talking about a mans leather gloves and how they drove you crazy..Wait! Were you perhaps talking about Harry then?"

Eggsy lets out a breathy sigh as he flings his head back, and stairs at the ceiling. Roxy tries to get his attention waving a hand in front of his face, but all that comes out of his mouth is strained moan of defeat and embarrassment.

"Rox if I behave like that again you gotta pull me out of there, be a good mate, yeah?"

"I'll do my best Eggsy, but it's not exactly _easy_ to contain that stubborn Unwin personality."

Eggsy mocked her playfully, and she rolled her eyes laughing at his childish behavior. She was going to drop it, but being the nosybody that she was she went for it.

"So how do _you_ feel about Arthur?"

She watched carefully Eggsy's every movement, taking in every detail so he could not get a lie passed her. Roxy watched as Eggsy's eyes slightly shifted to the left as a faint rouge colored his cheeks.

He bit at his bottom lip and sucked in a breath much like someone who was about to fib would do.

"Oh, ya know he's my mentor of course I like him, and you have eyes Harry's fit and..."

" _And_...?"

"Do I really have to explain? He's got a sexy voice ok! Jesus Rox.."

"Gary Unwin are you being shy? I've listened, in great detail I may add, about all your other rendezvous'."

She chuckled at his ever reddening face, and the way he crossed his arms, a protective stance, as he pouted. It was all part of his charm, and she wondered how Harry hadn't completely fallen for it yet. Unless the older man himself was lying to the boy, but that didn't seem like Harry at all.

"I don't know..it's Harry..it's different. I can't explain it, and don't try to make me either!"

"Ok, ok you won I'll leave it alone." Roxy told him, but that was a lie. She had other plans in mind to figure out just exactly what was going on between the two of them.

* * *

 

And there he was sitting in the same club him and Rox were at a month ago with a drink in his hand as he watched his best make stealing the attention of every man and woman in the club with he charismatic dancing.

The music pulsed loudly in ear, but not loud enough to drown out his thoughts as he went over the rest of his and Roxy's conversation earlier that day. They were suppose to be home resting, Merlin's orders, but she had convinced him to come out, that maybe he would find a nice little distraction at which he insisted that he didn't need one since there were know feelings for Harry that he needed distraction from.

Eggsy chugged the drink in his hand, and when he sat it back down something, more like someone, caught his attention in the crowd. Roxy was dancing with a man now. They were intimately close, but that's not what bothered him.

What bothered him was that she was dancing with the boy he'd had his eyes on for a while now, Jon he remembered him saying his name was, and had been texting despite his new 'relationship' with Harry.

Roxy turned and grinned at Eggsy as she rocked her backside into her dance partner who seemed to be enjoying himself. Eggsy felt the little buds of jealousy blooming, and he wondered if this was Roxy's revenge for the bell hop incident.

The next look Roxy gave him was a challenging one, one that was daring him to come take what was his if he had the balls to do it. Eggsy tore his gaze from the dancing couple and ordered another drink.

He downed it quickly, and slammed the glass on the bar table before getting up and heading towards the crowd of swaying people. He may have been a little tipsy when he reached his target, and pulled the boy into a sloppy kiss that tasted of Absolut and rum.

Surprised, the boy stumbled on his feet and fell into Eggsy, which he used to his advantage to grind their hips together. Jon pulled away and in his best English asked Eggsy what took him so long to make a move. The crooked smile on his lovely tan face made Eggsy weak.

"Oh ya know bruv..was just playin' hard to get."

Eggsy winked, and pulled the boy away from the crowd making sure to turn around to stick his tongue out at Roxy as they left. She gave him a thumbs up before turning back to the crowd, having no hard time finding another dance partner.

Eggsy led them to the hall where all the bathrooms were and leaned again the wall to steady himself. His head was swimming as the music drummed on even so far from the dance floor.

Jon came into his vision again, and pressed himself against Eggsy as he pressed another kiss to his lips. Eggsy's lips parted eagerly as he let Jon take control. The boy slip his tongue in cautiously to Eggsy's surprise as if he was testing the waters to see if Eggsy would jerk back with a change of heart.

But when Eggsy didn't budge, he began to explore more confidently, pressing his tongue heavily onto the shorter man beneath him. Eggsy moaned into the kiss letting Jon know that whatever he was doing he was doing it right.

"You know Eggsy, my tongue is skilled in other areas as well." Jon grinned down at him, his eyes flicking down to Eggsy's trousers.

"Well," Eggsy felt flustered at the upfront offer Jon made, "I ain't ever turned down a pretty boy before and I ain't going to start now."

Jon chuckled, and a slightly drunken Eggsy could have sworn he saw a light flush on the man's face. Maybe it was just the alcohol, and he just hadn't noticed before.

"Pretty? You're much more beautiful Eggsy." Jon said and pressed their foreheads together.

The intimate touch made something stir in Eggsy's gut, and he wasn't sure if it was a good feeling or not.

"You're calling me beautiful? You're a model! And I'm..I'm just me."

"I like you Eggsy."

It had been a long time since someone had told Eggsy that they liked him, and it made him happier than he would like to admit out loud. His vision of getting a quickie in the bathroom stall were completely overshadowed by a more intimate, at home setting.

He pushed away from the wall, and once again pulled Jon with him towards the exit.

"What are we doing?"

"I'm taking you home with me." Eggsy said confidently with no room for negotiating.

* * *

They were already snogging going up the stoop to Eggsy's place even as Eggsy tried to unlock the door to his empty flat. His mum and Daisy gone on another trip for the weekend, otherwise this would never be happening.

Eggsy finally got the door open realizing it had not been locked in the first place, but paid no mind to that as he pulled Jon into his home. The door shut loudly behind them when Jon pushed Eggsy up against it capturing the shorter man's lips once more with his own.

Eggsy moaned as Jon nobbled on the bottom of his lip, pulling it into his mouth to suck on it gently as Egssy's back arched off the door. Jon pushed him back again making sure that he was firmly in place as he raised up to look Eggsy in the eyes again.

"I was serious earlier..I really like you Eggsy."

The man stared intently at him as his thumbs rub soothing circles on either hip. Eggsy was breathless as one of those hands came up and cupped the side of his face.

"Please say something."

"I..."

"I'm sorry young man, but Eggsy's already spoken for."

Eggsy jumps as if he had just been caught cheating by his spouse, Jon being pushed to the side, so that Harry was now in perfect view. His Jacket and gun holsters were off, and his sleeves were rolled up and his tie loosened making it look very much like Harry lived there.

"Harry!" Eggsy yelled not from being surprised at him being there, but from irritation.

"Eggsy.." Jon looked at him like he had just been betrayed.

"No bruv, you got it wrong he's just my boss, swear down!"

"I think you've been drinking too much, darling." Harry said as he made his way towards Eggsy.

"Fuck no 'Arry, don't even try that!"

"Maybe I should just go."

Jon pushed passed Eggsy not looking at him even as he shut the door behind him leaving Harry and Eggsy alone. Eggsy's eyes were full of fury when he looked up at Harry. He couldn't believe the nerve the older man had.

Eggsy was so pissed and embarrassed he couldn't decide if he wanted to runaway and hide for a hundred years or introduce his fist to Harry's face. The second becoming more appealing as Harry got closer to him.

His chest was puffed out and fists clenched when Harry finally spoke again. He was ready to stand up to Harry, to make him explain himself.

"Fucking hell 'Arry! You tell me to behave myself, that I need to pretend like nothing is going on, but you act like this?"

Harry didn't say anything, but instead shoved Eggsy, the boy letting out a yelp when his back connected with the door holding up his cell phone for Eggsy to see. On Harry's screen was a pic of him and Jon at the club, Eggsy pressed against the wall with their foreheads touching.

Eggsy's face went pale as he felt the flush of anxiety rush over his body.

"Care to explain why Miss Morton would be sending me a pic like this to my _personal_ phone. It is neither an emergency nor any of my business what you do in your spare time."

 _But I want it to be your business, I want you to care because it's me and not your reputation you're worried about.._ Eggsy thought against his will as he stared back at Harry's irritated countenance.

"Harry..seriously I have no idea why she'd do that. Maybe it was a mistake!"

But he knew it wasn't a mistake. This was Roxy's idea of getting Harry to admit his feelings for Eggsy. But she was wrong, she didn't believe him when he told her he wasn't the Harry she thought he was.

_He doesn't care about me that way..._

"A mistake? Perhaps, but whatever your excuses are I don't want to hear them. Please make sure Miss Morton doesn't make that mistake again, Eggsy."

Harry began to push pass Eggsy to leave, but the boy grabbed onto his arm.

"'Arry please.." _please don't be disappointed in me, please tell me you're angry because you also have feelings for me_ , "believe me."

Eggsy hated himself for being weak in front of Harry, but he wanted to believe that the reason he said those things to Jon wasn't revenge for Roxy's text message, but because he wanted Jon to know that he belonged to Harry and no one else.

And it was true, he's Harry's and he'd be a fool to think otherwise. Even if Harry only wanted the boy's body, he possessed his heart as well. And tonight confirmed it when all his concerns were for what Harry thought, and not for Jon's feelings.

"What is it that you want Eggsy? Be careful with your words I'd hate for things to have to change."

"Fuck you 'Arry!" _Fuck you and your rules!_

"If that's all then I'm leaving.."

"You make a big show about owning me in front of Jon, but you're just gonna walk out now, and not take responsibility, yeah?"

"I'll ask again Eggsy, what is it that you want?" His gaze was full of warning, and Eggsy took it.

"It's not what you're thinking, bruv." _It's exactly what you're thinking. I want to be yours like you said, and I want you to be mine._

Eggsy crashed his body into Harry's, and took whatever he could of the man. His hands snaked up pulling at the nape of Harry's hair as he pulled the taller man down into a brutally hard kiss pouring all his frustration into it.

He felt a tear fall down his cheek as he squeezed his eyes shut. Harry's hands snaked around his body and underneath his shirt touching all the burning flesh they could reach.

"Fuck you 'Arry.." Eggsy whispered huskily again in between kisses.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will most likely be a strictly Harry chapter.


	6. Genghis Khan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry confides in Merlin after that night in Eggsy's home. Merlin thought he knew everything, Merlin realizes he knew nothing.
> 
> "I know there's no form  
> And no labels to put on  
> To this thing we keep  
> And dip into when we need  
> And I don't have the right  
> To ask where you go at night  
> But the waves hit my head  
> To think someone's in your bed" - Genghis Khan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> crappy summary is crappy, but I need to be vague for reasons. lol
> 
> Also, in case it might be confusing the timeline jumps around between sections. I'll do my best not to make it too hard to follow. ^-^

"Merlin, I think I've really taken things too far this time."

Harry stares up at the sterile colored ceiling of Merlin's office from where he is laying on the equally sterile looking grey sofa. Everything was so clean and white and minimalist not something you would expect from a Scot with an extensive sweater collection. Maybe he liked it this way, less busy and loud like his work life. 

"I'm guessing by the broody look your fashioning we're talking about the boy?"

Harry didn't look at him, but just nodded his head, raising a hand up to rub over his eyes before dropping it back down.

"So you going to tell me what happen or do I need to get you drunk again?"

"No, I just need a minute."

"Fair enough."

Merlin sat there patiently on a chair next to him like a therapist as he waited for Harry to finally speak. The man let out a hefty sigh before setting up, but still keeping his back towards him.

"I may have let things get a little too personal by accident. I made him choose between someone he could potentially have a real relationship with and myself. It was against my character, and now I don't know how to fix this."

"Just date him, you like the lad don't you?"

"No, I don't want to date him. I just want things to go back to the way they were before."

"You want to go back to being a father figure to him? Well I think it's a little too late for that..the boy has, what do the youth say? Ah yes, heart eyes."

"Pardon?"

Harry turns around to look at him with a half silly face.

"It's what the young people say when they like someone, 'You have total heart eyes for him omg'." Merlin says in his best girly voice and Harry cracks up from the ridiculous display.

"Eggsy does not have heart eyes for me."

Merlin's stare goes from a relaxed joking one to that of a stone-cold glare.

"Merlin, please don't look at me that way."

"Why don't you like him?"

"Don't be silly, I do like him."

"Ok fine, then why don't you want to make things serious between you two?"

Harry rests his head back against the couch letting out another sigh.

"I just don't  _like_ him like that, ok. You wouldn't understand unless I told you something very private, very awful. You wouldn't look at me the same anymore, I know it Merlin."

Merlin braced himself in his chair. He couldn't imagine that there was anything concerning Harry that he didn't already know; Especially something that seemed to be very important to Harry. The mans face was heavy with a string of emotions that Merlin couldn't quite pin point, and he didn't like it.

"Nonsense Harry, I haven't given up on you yet have I?"

"Merlin, what I say now in this room can never leave your mouth again; not even to me, not even if we're alone. It's to never be spoken of again. _Ever._ "

Harry was his best friend, or so he prided in himself to believe so. Harry would never try to bring harm to his life, but the way the man looked at him now he'd seen it many times before; the look he has when gazing at a target just before the kill.

* * *

 Eggsy crashed his body into him, snaking his hands up behind him pulling at the nape of his hair until he was bending just enough for Eggsy to crash their lips together.

Harry snaked his hands inside the boys shirt resting first on his hips before exploring the rest of the boys body that was in reach.

His body was on fire and Harry wondered what part of that was from the alcohol and what part was from arousal.

Harry stiffened at the thought that maybe the heat was a reaction Eggsy had from being touched by Jon, and that made him feel something more..something unfamiliar, but familiar at the same time.

He jerked back peeling the boy off of him as he went. Eggsy let out a little huff, and stared quizzically back at him.

He looked over the boy, at his swollen red lips, his glassy blown out eyes. Fully aroused, needy Eggsy was probably one of the most beautiful sights to beheld, and he would be a fool to pull back now.

"Harry?"

The boy's lips parted, but he could barely hear the words themselves. He wondered what Eggsy was seeing right now.

"Are you backing out or somthin'?"

He could hear the boy loud and clear now as if a switch had been flipped, and the only thing he could feel now was the uncomfortable tightness in his trousers.

Harry gripped the boys hips once again, and pushed him backwards into the next room closes to them. Eggsy looked confused, but didn't say anything. He let Harry lead him until he pushed the back of the boys heels to the couch where they both fell back on it.

Harry crawled his way up the couch pressing himself in between the boy's legs. He watched the boy's face turn from confusion to hunger when Harry lowered himself until their whole bodies were touching.

"Harry..fuck me, God _please_."

Harry wondered if this was an invitation or just Eggsy spewing out a string of profanity as per usual when as aroused as he was. But, it didn't really matter to Harry because he had already decided he was going to have this boy tonight.

"Yes my boy."

Harry didn't allow the slightest pause when he replied to the mewling boy below him. He worked the button of his pants, and as he did so Eggsy began to undo the buttons of his shirt. He looked at the boys hands and then to his face.

"We don't have to be completely naked for this you know."

"Yeah, but I wanna be." Eggsy said sitting up to slip his own shirt off.

Harry didn't argue any further as the rest of his shirt was slipped completely off by the young man. He pushed Eggsy back down onto the couch, and coaxed the boy's hips up to slip his pants and underwear off and around his beautiful arse.

Then with a slow, painful to watch movement, Eggsy peeled each leg out of his pants, one after the other.

Harry stared down, no, more like his eyes could not will themselves away from the image below him. Eggsy, naked and open before him, was like a Raphaelite beauty, thick and tinted scarlet in all the right places.

He was _breathtaking_.

Harry finally ripped his eyes away from the boy as he grabbed one of his knees and placed a less than chaste kiss to it, nipping at the flesh as he dared his eyes to peer back down at his lover, who seemed to be blushing more now to Harry's surprise. He didn't think the boy could get anymore red.

He rose just enough to set his bottom on the couch arm to slide his pants off, taking his underwear off with them. When he was finished discarding the last of his clothing, he settled himself back down between Eggsy's legs.

Eggsy's eyes locked on his cock, and Harry could see the boy's adam's apple bob in his throat as if swallowing down a _gulp.  
_

He knew that they weren't prepared for the occasion, and he had a feeling that there would be no stopping this either.

With that in mind he gave his best shot at it regardless of being almost one hundred percent sure of the boy's response.

"Eggsy we should-"

"No, I _need_ this, I need you.."

"But..I don't want to hurt you."

Eggsy just stared back up at him, his bottom lip sucking in as if he was trying to hold it from quivering. Something in those bittersweet emerald eyes said 'too late, Harry'.

Harry bent back down capturing the boys lips in between his own. Eggsy opened up eagerly, his tongue darting out to meet Harry's, entangling them together.

Harry pushed deeper into the boy's mouth, sucking and prodding until he needed to come up for air, but was stopped by the boys hands tangled in the back of his hair, pulling him back down. 

Harry could feel the wetness of their kiss dripping down the corners of Eggsy's mouth when he raised a hand up to cup the side of his face.

He pulled away only taking a second to look at his work before shoving two fingers into the boy's mouth. Eggsy sucked eagerly on them, eyes never breaking contact with Harry's as his tongue lapped his calloused digits. 

With his free hand, Harry raised the boy's leg over his shoulder, Eggsy doing the same with the other, his arse now slightly raised just enough for Harry to press those wet fingers inside.

A trail of saliva connecting to his fingers and the boy's mouth fell onto Eggsy's chin when Harry pulled his fingers out. The scene was lewd and made the heat pooling in his lower abdomen more intense.

Harry pressed his first finger inside, and as expected Eggsy tensed and flexed tightly around it.

"Shhh..you need to try to relax your body Eggsy"

Harry's voice was softer than he had intended.

"Relax? It feels like I'm tryin' to take a reversed shit, not my fault my reflexes wanna push you out, bruv!"

Eggsy's response caught Harry off guard, and he laughed hysterically, something he knew you should never do in bed, but the reaction was so much Eggsy that he couldn't contain himself.

He had never heard a response like that before, perhaps because he had never fucked a virgin before, or perhaps because there was truly no one like Eggsy.

The boy glared up at him.

"Oi! I thought even you would know it's rude to laugh during sex!"

"I'm sorry, my boy it's just..nevermind."

Harry let out one more chuckle before apologizing again.

"Ya know what, I don't wanna do this anymore." Eggsy was flustered.

"I'm sorry darling, forgive me?"

"You know I always do, 'arry."

Harry pressed a kiss to the inside of one of Eggsy's legs before pushing his finger slowing back inside him.

Eggsy hissed, but this time he was much more relaxed, Harry's finger moving in and out of him a little easier. Harry continued to coo gently, coaxing the boy to relax further until he was able to press a second finger inside.

Harry pulled his fingers out slowly and without warning, pushed his cock inside before Eggsy had a chance to tense back up. The boy let out a struggled moan mixed with pain and what Harry was hoping was pleasure.

He paused his movement and slowly settled his body on top of the boy. His face was pinched with pain and Harry brought a hand up to smooth the creases around his eyes.

Eggsy relaxed his expression, his breath coming out deeper and less shallow. 

Their eyes stayed locked as Harry carefully moved his hips into Eggsy's. The boy's gaze was so innocent and trusting of Harry as he moved gently in and out of him it sparked a feeling in the pit of his stomach that he quickly tried to expel.

Harry picked up his pace the more easier it was to slide inside of the boy, his moans crescendoing as Harry's speed picked up.

"Oh  _God fuck_  'array!"

Eggsy screamed out when Harry drove himself deeper inside Eggsy, hitting what he expected was the boy's sweet spot. He slammed into it again.

"Fuck 'array!" 

"Yes darling?" Harry said smugly to tease the boy, not for an actual reply.

"I love you." 

He looked up at the boy still thrusting deeply inside him. His eyes were squeezed tightly closed, and he could see the tears that had leaked out. He wondered if those tears were caused by pain or something emotional, and he didn't know which one he'd rather them be.

"I know." 

Harry wrapped his hand around Eggsy's leaking cock, sure that he was almost close, and pumped him in the rhythm of his thrusts. 

A possesive behavior came over him as Eggsy mewled, calling out his name each time he buried his cock deep inside him.

"No one else.." Harry huffed out.

"No one else but me.." He said again to make it clear to the boy.

"Yes 'arry!"

The boy cried out before releasing all over Harry's hand. It only took one more thrust with Eggsy's orgasm clenching tightly around Harry's cock for him to release deep inside the boy, filling him up with his scent, claiming him. 

Harry collapsed on top of the boy, his face buried in the crook of his neck, not able to raise his head to look at him. Not wanting to see the affection in the boy's eyes that he didn't deserve.

* * *

It was late, but Harry was still sitting in his study at home with a glass of scotch, and the bottle with only a quarter of its contents left sitting within hands reach.

He knew that he was sloshed and should be laying down, so that he would have enough time to treat his hangover before going into work tomorrow, but he couldn't stop thinking about what he had done earlier that day.

Never would he thought that he would ever share his darkest secret to anyone. He was sure that he would take it to his grave first.

The look on his dear friends face..he couldn't ever recall having seen it like that before. He didn't know what Merlin was thinking at the time, hell it could be anything for all he knew: disgust was what Harry feared.

His friend's face remained passive as were his words when he finally regained his senses. Senses he lost, Harry assumed, from being shocked by his confession.

_"What do you mean you liked him Harry?"_

He had told Merlin only half of it, fearing that his friend's reaction would be much worse if he knew the whole story, and now he is certain that it would have been if he was that overwhelmed by what little Harry had told him.

_"Harry..what do you mean?"_

He wondered what dear Eggsy would think of him if he were to ever find out. Harry was sure that the stellar image that Eggsy had of himself was already corrupted by how he has been treating the boy, and if he were to know..Harry didn't want to think about that.

Even if he had long ago decided to stave off any romantic feelings for the boy, he still cared about Eggsy genuinely in his own messed up way. And he had never intended to treat the boy as harshly as he had, but when he looked into those eyes, the way they stared back up at him, their color..Harry knew what Merlin was talking about.

He knew those 'heart eyes' all too well he just didn't want to accept it. He only wanted to be something Eggsy used, not something he loved because knowing that only made Harry feel shittier for all the wrong doings he's ever caused the boy.

And because of that, those eyes made him angry.

He knew that it wasn't Eggsy's fault, but he took it out on the boy regardless. Harry was an ass, no, he was more than an ass, and he didn't deserve Eggsy or for the boy to feel so highly of him.

_"You know what I mean, Merlin. I cared for the the boy's father. I had feelings for Lee."_

Those words..those thoughts..those feelings..all of it was the reason why he couldn't hold the boy the way he deserved to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP my fic because I'm sure you will all hate it now..please be nice to me. ;u;
> 
> Also I finished this fic on my iPad so sorry for any mistakes I missed!


	7. Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin reminisces the last 17 years of his life, particularly the parts that involved Harry to try to better understand his friend. (a chapter in which Merlin realizes a lot of things)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short update from Merlin's POV.
> 
> Don't worry I will be focusing on Hartwin after this chapter!

_"You know what I mean, Merlin. I cared for the the boy's father. I had feelings for Lee."_

Merlin knew what he meant, he just had to hear it for himself. And it wouldn't be a lie if said he had his suspicions from the beginning. He still remembers the day Harry brought the young man to Kingsman.

Merlin had already known everything about Lee by the time he stepped through his doors, looking still very much impressed by all that Harry had just shown him. He looked much like Eggsy, all confident eyes and the same lopsided grin.

He remembered the look on Harry's face when he introduced them officially. At the time he thought Harry looked smug for bringing in a candidate such as Lee, afterall Harry was the rebel agent of Kingsman, and was always looking for ways to ruffle Chester's feathers. But he realized that now he was wrong, and Merlin was rarely wrong.

The extra lingering gaze Harry held on Lee as he marveled at the many computer screens in Merlin's work space had actually been admiration, and not the grin of someone who was secretly gloating.

But he may have been a little smug too knowing that he was the reason Lee was so enthralled as he took in everything that was Kingsman. Harry was always a little smug.

He thought about how attentive Harry was with his candidate although it was against the rules, and he wondered if he would have done the same with Eggsy if he were not in a coma for most of the boys tests.

Merlin always caught the two together, he had eyes everywhere, and Harry was lucky that it was only him who was watching him and Lee being chummy.

Harry was always sneaking the young man treats not issued in the training diet, fresh clothes when his others were wrecked, or something entertaining like a magazine for when he was bored of studying.

Lee was always thankful (like Eggsy), always smiling up at Harry (like Eggsy), but never crossing the line (unlike Eggsy), and that made him wonder if Harry's feelings were completely onesided.

Merlin prayed so for Eggsy's sake because if any of this came to the surface it would already be detrimental for the boy knowing that the same man he's pining for had feelings for his father, but if it were the case that Lee felt something for Harry too... Merlin was sure that the boy would take down the whole of Kingsman just to get back at Harry.

He shivered at the idea of Harry and Eggsy feuding.

Merlin pushed the idea away knowing Harry, well the _old Harry_ , Lee was just a passing infatuation. Before Lee died, Harry would always fall prey to love at first sight he was such a romantic, and so easily attached especially when it came to underdog types. Harry definitely had a type.

_Before Lee died_ _.._

Merlin repeated the thought in his head, and something clicked. 

Harry's complete change in character happened after the death of his recruit. This was the boy's fathers fault, and Merlin was just now realizing this too. All the little quirks and changes in Harry that, at the time, flew over his head were all revealing themselves to him.

So that now left a question unanswered for him: Does his friend truly not having feelings for poor Eggsy?

The boy was definitely his type, they definitely suited each other in a very odd way, but perfect nonetheless, they definitely were attracted to each other mutually, and he could see hints of what he thought was genuine feelings coming from the lad when he looked at Harry when he thought no one was paying attention.

There would be no reason for Harry not to have feelings for Eggsy unless the idea of him being Lee's son was enough of a turn off. It was definitely a possibility. If only there was a way for him to know for sure..

He doesn't want the boy to be a rebound, but he'd prefer them together. The way Harry was treating the poor boy was already infuriating enough..almost unbearable to watch at times. It made him disappointed in his friend.

It was time that Harry let the boy go gently, regardless of his own selfishness, if he did not intend to return Eggsy's feelings, and confess to the boy of his past feelings for his father. Besides, it was the right thing to do for the both of them.

Harry needed to move on, if he had not already, and Eggsy deserved to know, so he could heal sooner rather than later.

Merlin flicks the switch on his Kingsman glasses:

"Arthur, I'm going to need a few minutes alone with you today, and I mean completely alone, no Eggsy."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just putting a warning/apology here and letting you all know that I'm having a really hard time figuring out how I want Eggsy to find everything out. I'm stuck between it being an accident or Harry telling him right after the events of the last chapter, and if i do it that way the next chapter will be angsty and intense, and no hartwin sexy time for a while (unless I see an opening for some). If I have them keep things going the way they things are with Harry not telling him, things will be fluffy, but our little Egg will get more hurt in the long run....so yeah, now you know why the fics not updating as fast as it should. I'm an indecisive bean.


	8. I went too far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry tells Eggsy EVERYTHING! Eggsy gets his heart broken because Harry is an idiot, but we all know that already. Enjoy the angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I went too far when I was begging on my knees  
> Begging for your arms, for you to hold them around me  
> I went to far and kissed the ground beneath your feet  
> Waiting for your love, waiting for our eyes to meet" - Aurora, I went too far
> 
> warning: lots of negative self-talk, anxiety, panic attacks, etc

Eggsy huffed from beneath Harry, he was completely spent. The boy had no idea what had gotten into Harry, but the older man had requested that he come home with him, and after they stepped into the door it had been nonstop action.

Whether Harry was grabbing the boy to snog in between meals, or getting a quickie during commercials, they were engaged in some kind of activity. Eggsy thought it would slow down when Harry finally expressed that he was tired, and the boy made them a nice comfy blanket fort on the living room floor because Eggsy had always wanted to do something like that with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but never had the chance till now, even if Harry wasn't his boyfriend.

But it wasn't over. As soon as they made themselves comfortable, and Eggsy put on a movie to fall asleep to - an old habit he couldn't break, Harry was at it again. He looked at the boy before he grabbed him, Eggsy having said something completely ridiculous, and grinned widely in his direction.

Something about that moment felt so familiar, so right, that he grabbed the unsuspecting young man, pulling him into a passionate kiss, and several rounds later they were exhausted on Eggsy's floor, their bodies hot and sticky, but either too tired to make the first move; until Eggsy became uncomfortable under Harry's laxed weight.

Harry squeezed him tighter the more Eggsy squirmed from beneath him. The sensation was foreign to Eggsy, feeling like he was on the other end, the end Harry should be on because each squeeze felt like Harry was holding onto him desperately like he was going to lose him.

It was unlike Harry to behave this way after sex, but after saying those three words the night before, any strange behavior of Harry's caused panic for the boy all day.

"Harry..? About what I said last nigh-"

"We need to talk Eggsy."

Harry's words were calm and calculated unlike his body language. It confused him, made a thousand thoughts run through his head until he was spinning. Eggsy was barely able to register that Harry had stood up and began to gather his clothing.

He raised up from the palette of blankets, watching Harry dress himself as he did his best to gather his resolve. Harry turned and looked at him, his shirt barely draping his shoulders.

"You should get dressed too."

"Why? I'm in my own house ain't I, no ones home, so I'd be naked anyways." _Smooth Eggsy.._ he could feel how defensive he was already getting.

"Please.."

"Fine, whatever bruv, but whatever you gotta say I'm sure I already know. We don't got to be formal about this just say it." Eggsy said with his head down as he gathered his own clothing, and dressed himself.

"There, you happy? Now you obviously have something really important to say since you've been fucking around with me all day, and I think we all know what it is; I fucked up, Harry."

Eggsy watched as Harry's mouth twitched at the corner, threatening to leave it's neutral state, his hands at his side flexed in and out of a fist; a habit Eggsy noticed Harry had when trying to stop himself from bursting out when an agent says or does something stupid.

He honestly couldn't read Harry's intentions at all. _Some super spy you are.._ he thinks to himself as Harry just stares back at him, his shirt now neatly tucked in place.

"There's something I should have said to you long ago, long before we started.. _this_..long before I even thought about recruiting you. I have done a great disservice to you and your family. I've kept this to myself for the last twenty years because I didn't want to feel shameful for- I didn't want it to become a shameful thing, but the truth of the matter is that it is, and I-"

"Harry, what are you trying to say..a disservice to my family? Is this about m'dad again, I thought we were over this, yeah?"

Harry stepped cautiously closer to him. Eggsy didn't say anything as Harry approached him like he was approaching a potentially vicious animal. He knew that he was prone to lashing out, but Eggsy felt offended; Harry should know that he would never physically harm him no matter how pissed he was at the older man.

Everyone knew the extent to Eggsy's loyalty and dedication to Harry surely Harry himself knew this too..

"Eggsy.." There was so much pity drenched in his name that it made him sick instantly, his stomach feeling as though it was doing flips.

"Harry..if you're feeling guilty again because I said that I love you please don't. I mean, I'm not taking it back, but it's no reason to be feeling guilty about my da-"

"No Eggsy..I..Damn it! If I don't say this now I never will. Eggsy, I was fond of your father. I liked Lee. I'm sorry, so terribly sorry..I don't expect you to forgive me, please don't ever forgive me."

_I liked Lee.._

The words after that just blurred together until Harry's voice faded out into white noise. The sound of his blood rushing in his ears replaced all sound in the room. His chest beat and ached with a feeling of anxiety he hadn't felt since he watched Harry take an execution shot.

"Eggsy.." Harry's voice began to pierce through, and he noticed the man inching closer. He flinched, and Harry immediately stopped.

"What are you saying Harry?" His voice sounding as heartbroken as he felt, which rewarded him another pitiful look from Harry.

Eggsy hated that look, he hated it so much.

"I'm sorry Eggsy.."

"You're sorry? Why? Sorry because you had feelings for m'dad, but couldn't seem to develop any for me? Or maybe it was because you dinnit want to."

"Eggsy plea-"

"You was never gonna look my way were ya 'arry" Eggsy didn't wait for Harry to answer..he didn't want to hear the pathetic excuses. He was too angry, too confused.

"Dinnit matter anyways.. it wouldn't be me you was seeing.. just my dad - a happily married man with a fucking son for Christ's sake 'arry! Me 'arry! The little boy you gave this medal to..wish you never fucking did. Wish you was never in m'fucking life, too late now.. don't have a choice now do I? Get out of my house Harry. I can't talk to you right now, don't even want to see you!"

Harry moved defiantly closer to him, and it made him seethe. He wanted Harry out of his house, he wanted him far away so he couldn't hear him scream, and break things, and curse, and punch things, but most of all he didn't want Harry to see him cry. He was already pathetic enough.

"I can't..not until I've told you everything.."

"Are you fucking kidding me? What more could be said 'arry? I'm not a fucking idiot, I get wot you sa-."

"Eggsy I kissed him. But, that's all."

"Wot?" Eggsy was completely dumbfounded, he couldn't move his limbs, the sharp pain in his chest making it too hard for him to form any coherent sentences.

"He was completely intoxicated, as was I. The night before his last trial..he was nervous and came to me, so I told him stories of my early Kingsman days, and we drank copious amounts of  liquor. I couldn't stop myself, he was smiling so goofy, and..and I cornered him.."

"Did he kiss you back?"

"Yes, but-"

Eggsy crossed the space between them, and before Harry could finish his sentence the boy's fist connected with the flesh of Harry's cheek causing the older man to stumble and spin as he tried to regain his bearings.

Before he could completely raise up to finish, Eggsy was charging forward again, knocking him onto the floor, and pinning him down with his knees on either side of him. Harry raised his arms up in defense using his forearms to protect his face from anymore attacks.

Eggsy punched relentlessly at Harry's forearms until there was nothing left in him. He gripped them both, trying to rip them away from Harry's face.

"Look at me you bastard!"

Harry cautiously lowered his arms to reveal a red, tear-streaked face.

"He kissed me back, but it was just on impulse, a reflex. He was drunk Eggsy, and he pushed me away immediately after. He let me know that he loved only you and Michelle. It was only ever you two..forever. Do not ever doubt your father's devotion to you and your mother."

"Is that why he fucking died for you?" He was crying now. Weak and vulnerable in front of his enemy. Harry knew that Eggsy knew the answer to that. That day, it wasn't just for Harry, it was for all of them: Merlin, himself, and James. Eggsy was just hurting.

They stayed still for what seemed like a lifetime just staring at one another. Eggsy's eyes roamed over Harry's face, his chest heaving as he chewed angrily at his lower lip. Eggsy's grip finally loosened on his forearms.

"Fuck you 'arry," Eggsy spat out as he raised up off of him, "Fuck you..don't ever speak to me unless you have to; no small talk, no apologies..this never happen do you hear me? Nothing. If you speak about my father again or any of this I'll fucking kill you myself. Now just go, I'm done."

He pointed to the door, and walked away before Harry could say another word. Harry felt the promise in his words, and the heartache. It made his own chest ache too.

Eggsy heard the door close behind him in the distance as he made his way to his room. When Harry said that they needed to talk he was expecting to get hurt, he was expecting Harry to call things off because of himself.

He would have never guessed that it wasn't his fuck up from last night, but Harry's own fuck up twenty years ago that would be the means to their end. Eggsy almost preferred, no he DID prefer, wish and pleaded that it was his own fault. He could live with that, but how could he live with this?

How could he think of his father now without involuntarily seeing an image of Harry pressing his father into the chair as he bent down to kiss him..his father kissing back before realizing what he was doing..

How could he learn to forgive Harry when just thinking about the man rang the three words that he never expected would be the words to destroy him.. _I liked Lee.._

And yes, he wanted to forgive Harry, even through all this pain and betrayal he felt for himself and his mother. He wanted to forgive Harry, for things to be normal again. He wanted to hate him, but he also didn't want him out of his life.

He was just like Harry; he was no better than him, and just as greedy.

He wanted this to be all Harry's fault, but he knew that he was to blame as well.

If he hadn't spent all his time being attentive to Harry, practically kissing the ground beneath his feet in hopes that he would come around and return Eggsy's feeling..then maybe, just maybe this wouldn't hurt so much.

* * *

Eggsy cried all night; he permitted himself that much, allowed himself to cry without judging himself, without holding back. But today was a new start, a new beginning, and crying over Harry wasn't permitted; not anymore.

He kicked around the empty bottles and cans, he didn't know when he passed out, but when he did he woke up among the mess at the foot of his bed. At some time during the night he must have grabbed his Kingsman suit - the exact one Harry had made for him a few years ago, the tie that was cut like a ribbon by Gazelle still unmended.

It was his most precious memento, a reminder of all that he's overcome, and has become. He grabbed onto it, and his memory of retrieving it from it's place in the back of the closet came back to him, of him clutching it as he cursed Harry, his father, and also himself.

He had hoped that the suit would make him feel better, remind him that this was just another thing for him to overcome, but the suit brought no comfort as it only reminded him of some more innocent times he had with Harry when everything was new and exciting and ok.

He missed those moments..before all the chaos, before seeing Harry in the ICU, before waiting day in and day out for him to wake up, before spending almost every waking moment with him after he opened his eyes, before staying with Harry in his home as he readjusted, tending to the older man when he woke in the early morning hours from night terrors, before Eggsy realized that he wanted to always be that person for Harry, and before he realized that the jealousy he felt when Harry leaned a little too close to someone else was budding feelings.

He felt angry..felt disgusted with himself that he could still be thinking of Harry like that; warm Harry, gentle Harry..when did that man go away?

_He went away because of you..because you wanted something more..You couldn't just be satisfied with him being your mentor..Selfish boy..ungrateful kid.._

His insecurities beat at him, almost eerily taking on the characteristics of Dean; his inner voice sounding a lot like his step-dad.

"Shut up!"

_You're still just a child..only half a man..no wonder Harry can't have feelings for you when all he sees is just a boy..a boy wanting to be just like his daddy..you're not good enough.._

Eggsy picked up one of the empty glass bottles and threw it at the full length mirror in front of him, it cracked and shattered until there was just pieces of him still visible.

Not being able to stand the face in the mirror, he got up and headed to the shower, hoping that it would wash away the evidence of last night.

He arrived a little late to Kingsman, and was stopped several times on his way to Merlin's to get compliments on his tortoise shell shaded glasses, they were Kingsman issued, but the only other agents to really sport them was Harry, and Percival on occasion.

He hated them; they reminded him of Harry, but it was the only shaded pair of Kingsman glasses, and he needed something to cover up the red and puffiness at least until he was out of the mansion.

He walked through the man's double doors, only giving a simple greeting before practically demanding for another mission.

"Nice glasses lad, Harry was wearing the same pair today, you two plan this together?"

Eggsy didn't say anything in regards to Merlin's comment, but instead he took the glasses off, and in one fluent motion snapped them in half before tossing them into the aluminum bin next to Merlin.

"So ya got anything for me or not?"

"Ok..I see I've struck a nerve.." Merlin gave him one last knowing look before sifting through the files to find something for Eggsy. He pulled out a folder, and before he could debrief Eggsy on the mission, he was already out of the doubles and out of sight.

Eggsy made a bee line for the shuttle, hoping to take his work home before having to see Harry; he couldn't see Harry, not today. But just as luck would have it, or bad luck, Harry was around the corner, the two almost colliding in both their efforts to rush to their destinations.

"Eggsy.." Harry spoke his name quietly, hesitantly as if he wasn't sure if he was allowed that much.

"It's Gary, only my friends and family call me Eggsy." Harry was still wearing his shades, and Eggsy could see the slightest hint of bruising that the glasses couldn't completely cover.

"Ok, Gary." The words held a hint of hurt in them, threatening Eggsy's resolve, he had to get out of there quickly. Pushing past Harry, Eggsy didn't look back until he was safely inside the shuttle.

_Oh God..I still love him..after all this.._

His breath was short, and his chest beat wildly, he was sure he was going to pass out or hyperventilate inside the shuttle. A ringing started in his ears, growing more loudly the more he panicked, and the more he panicked the less oxygen seemed to pass through his lungs.

He felt the joints of his body becoming like stone, an unfamiliar feeling for his flexible gymnast body, which only caused for more panicking. His vision began to spot, and he could hear Merlin's distress through the spare pair of specs he picked up from his locker on the way.

He couldn't reply, just heavy, short breaths huffed in and out of his drying mouth. Every time he tried to take in another breath it was as if his lungs were sticking together. It burned, but was cold at the same time. He could feel his body starting to give as his eyesight became like tunnel vision.

With no more energy in him left, Eggsy collapsed inside the shuttle, crumpling onto the floor, and knocking his glasses off of his face.

He could hearing footsteps running towards, and the shuttle door opening up right as his vision started to completely give up. He closed his eyes, too tired to fight them to stay open, and before everything went black and quiet he could hear the faintest words of someone shouting at him.

_Eggsy!..My dear boy..wake up!_

* * *

Harry stopped and took a well passed due breath. Merlin watched his friend as he gathered himself. It was obvious how devastatingly wrecked he was over the situation; he deserved this, but at the same time he couldn't help but feel pity for his old friend.

Merlin rubbed his face with both his hands, and let out an exasperated sigh before turning his attention back to his old friend now that the two had finally calmed down.

The sheer terror on the man's face moments earlier as Harry ran with an unconscious Eggsy in his arms, the look of not wanting to let go of the boy when the medical team came to retrieve him, and the words he had said were still fresh in his memory.

_I did this Merlin..I told him, I told him everything. About Lee..I did this.._

"You do realize that if you had come to me when I had asked instead of following Eggsy home, we probably could have figured out a more gentler way to tell him instead of you just blurting it out to the poor lad. I don't even want to know how you decided on telling him, but it's obvious ye did a shit job considering Eggsy's now in medical recuperating while they fill out a form to have him seen by a therapist as soon as possible to 'figure out' why he 'suddenly' had a panic attack."

Merlin watched his friend as he stared off into the distance, one of his hands cupping his chin and mouth. It was obvious that Harry's mind was preoccupied with Eggsy's condition; they still weren't allowed to see him, and he knew that it was stressing Harry out just sitting there. But, Merlin could also see something else, perhaps a realization of his own feelings emerged during the last few minutes. If so, Merlin wanted to keep those gears going, if not for Harry and Eggsy, at least for his own sanity.

"Would have been a lot easier on everyone if ye just liked the boy like a normal person..but of course you have to make everything hard.." Merlin antagonized.

"Merlin please, not now.."

"I'm just saying how hard could it be to say, 'Eggsy, I like y-"

"Lachlan!"

Harry was now sitting up straighter in his seat, his full attention on the Scot in front of him. Harry only ever used his real name when he pissed him off or, very rarely, was in a scotch-induced depression.

"We've been over this..."

"Aye, and I'm not buying it, you like him and you're just being a coward!"

"I am not being a coward!"

"Then you don't like him because he's Lee son because there can't be any other logical explanation!"

"Lachlan, people have sex all the time without any sort of commitment!"

"Yes, I'm well aware, but I'm also aware that you'd never do that to the lad. Deep down subconsciously you cared for Eggsy or you wouldn't even had considered it, you just didn't realize it, and now you think it's too late."

Merlin stared intently at Harry even as the man rolled his eyes at him.

"You're mistaken, clearly."

"I'm hardly mistaken, you know this."

"Fine, perhaps I don't want to have those feelings for him..I've worked so hard not to fall for anyone since Lee..worked so damn hard to especially not fall for Eggsy, but you keep telling me otherwise, cocking up all my hard work. Yes, I suppose I have grown feelings for the boy! There, is that what you wanted to hear? I fail to see how my admitting any of this helps."

"Damn it! You're serious aren't you Harry? Did you tell the boy? Please tell me you fucking told Eggsy." Merlin stared at Harry with abated breath.

"Of course not."

Merlin's expression didn't change not even as seconds passed, he didn't respond as if Harry's words broke him.

"Ye fucking kidding me right now..why not?" Merlin's reply was as flat as his his expression.

"Do you honestly think he'd take me seriously right now? 'I made a pass on your father, and have been suppressing my own feelings for you'. How could he believe me when I can barely believe it myself? I want to believe wholeheartedly that these feelings genuinely belong to Eggsy, and that I'm not just living some sick-twisted, perverted feelings for Lee through his son."

"I'm going to be cliche and say, you never know until you at least try Harry."

"Lachlan.." Harry's voice was hushed, exhaustion and defeat eminent in his tone.

"I just don't understand..why Eggsy too? From the moment I picked the boy up at the police station I told myself, promised Lee, that I would do right by this kid, that I would make up for everything he had to endure because of me, for Lee sacrificing himself. If he were alive..Lee would definitely have already taken me out for the way I have treated his son."

Merlin shook his head yes dramatically.

"Yes he would have, and I'd probably have helped him, sorry. Not really though, you deserve it." 

"No, you're right. You're always right."

"Yes, I know."

"How am I ever going to make this right for him?"

"The boy, or his father?"

"Eggsy."

"Well you're already at a good start."

"What do you mean?"

"Before, everything you did was motivated by Lee. Now you are thinking about Eggsy. What is good for him, and not his father. What Eggsy wants and needs, not Lee. That is what you need to focus on."

It was Harry's turn to shake his head eagerly.

"Yes. But, what should I do, how do I decide what is good for him, what _is_ good for him?"

Merlin got up from his chair, and strides across the room to wear Harry was still sitting, the man's face now resting in his hands. Merlin placed a firm hand on his shoulder, squeezing as he stared down at his friend.

"That's for you to figure out, only you know the answer to that." 

_For fucks sake I hope he does.._ Merlin thinks to himself as he leaves the room to give Harry some space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going with Merlin's name as Lachlan because I fell in love with it after someone in another fic used it. I cant remember which. ;u; But anywho until I find out his official name, that is my headcanon name for him. :3
> 
> Also I hope this was worth the terrible, terrible long wait. T^T be gentle with me!


	9. Fix Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy is struggling with his feelings towards Harry, and tries to find comfort in unconventional means. Also a bit of Jon's POV, yes Jon is back for anyone who is as happy as I am. :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Will you fix me, will you show me how to breathe  
> before all is gone and all my hope is lost, baby  
> will you fix me, will you give me what I need,  
> I love you" - Ricky Hil, Fix me

Eggsy found himself in the same place as he was last night, and the other night before that. The bass vibrating every part of his body, lights so dim he could barely make out the various faces in the crowd until colored likes flashed on them only to quickly leave.

He had come back almost every night since his panic attack besides the first night he spent hauled away in his home too afraid to leave in fear that he would have another one. But, he soon found that if he was drunk while out he didn't worry anymore despite strict orders not to drink with his new medication.

He hadn't quite figured out what the nasty side effects were suppose to be because when he would wake the next day, the night before would be forgotten or if he was lucky just a distant memory, too foggy to understand. Maybe that was the side effect, but he didn't give a fuck enough to stop.

Arthur, well Merlin, as Harry went along with what ever the man had suggested, gave him two weeks medical leave to recuperate from his panic attacks. It was to help him to learn how to get used to living with them without having to worry about work officially, but Eggsy knew that it was pity leave really, and now he had only one week left, and he planned on being as drunk as hell for the remainder of it.

Jon wasn't a fan of his plan either. After the first three drunken sex nights with him, and the one night that he lashed out at Jon when the concerned man had suggested that Eggsy sober up, Jon had stopped answering his calls and texts.

Eggsy stared at said man from across the room. He was working this night across the counter, rushing around to get everyone's drinks to them. He barely had time to glance back at Eggsy, but when he did it was full of genuine concern and pitty, and Eggsy hated it; reminded him too much of Harry.

 _They would be perfect for each other.._ he had thought many times to himself.

Eggsy put down the drink he had just finished gulping down, and headed towards the bar where Jon was still busy. He reached the counter to where two other men had just recently sat as well. They were putting in their orders when Eggsy cut in rudely trying to get Jon's attention.

The two men turned to Eggsy, not happy with his rude behavior, but he just ignored them as he kept his attention on Jon, who was slowly growing anxious.

"Hey! You can't just be rude like that to my boyfriend!" The man furthest from Eggsy said.

"Hey bruv," Eggsy said drunkenly, "do I give a shite? No.."

The boyfriend walked around to Eggsy and yanked him up from his seat, and Jon was already making his way around the bar to Eggsy's aid, but before he could make it to the rowdy boy, Eggsy had already jabbed him in the stomach with his knee, somehow not falling over himself, and nailed the guy in the back with his elbow.

"Come at me, bruv!" Eggsy yelled stepping back from the man to give him room to get up.

"Eggsy, please!" Jon was by his side for only a minute when the boyfriend of the man on the floor shoved him into the gathering crowd, and landed a blow to Eggsy's cheek. He had no idea how Eggsy was still up, but the young man turned his head back to the angry boyfriend, and just smiled at him, a gritted smile that sent shivers down his spine.

Before anything more could be done, Jon rushed towards Eggsy, blocking his view of the boyfriend, and cupped his face in his hands.

"Eggsy, can you hear me?" Eggsy made eye contact with him, and nodded yes from within his hands.

"Eggsy come with me outside, yeah?"

He gently tugged him towards one of the side exits that led to a quiet alley. Once outside Eggsy leaned up against the wall of the building, and stared up into the sky. His body was here, but his mind wasn't Jon realized. He didn't know what was going on with Eggsy. He had never told him, but he knew the man he had been seeing the last week wasn't the same man that had charmed him at the night club months ago.

"Eggsy.."

He wanted to see that man again, but most of all he knew that Eggsy needed him. If not for the same reasons as he wanted to be there for the young man, he was going to stick around regardless.

"Eggsy?" Jon tried again when he had not responded the first time.

"I'm sorry Jon." Eggsy turned his head to look at the beautifully tanned, and incredibly worried man staring back at him. Jon always looked warm, always felt warm too like he was the sun, and Eggsy was cold, had been since the incident with Harry. He needed the sun although he knew he didn't deserve him after how he had treated Jon in the beginning of all this.

"Please, will you hold me?" Eggsy looked as though he was on the verge of tears, and Jon couldn't say no.

He came to stand in front of Eggsy, pealed him off the wall he was supporting himself on, and held him tightly, cradling the back of his head with his hand, and the other wrapped firmly around his waist.

Eggsy squeezed him tightly as well, afraid that Jon would pull away too soon, but he never made a move too. And, for a moment Jon felt like old Eggsy was back, his Eggsy. He gripped the sides of Jon's shirt, and pulled them both back until he was up against the wall once again.

Jon pulled away just slightly to look at him only to be met by the heavy lidded eyes of Eggsy, who was staring intently on his lips. Giving into his own desires, Jon bent down, and planted a firm kiss to the younger man's lips.

Eggsy let out a little moan that only encouraged him to deepen the kiss, and with little effort Eggsy parted his lips letting the older man slide his tongue inside to tangle up with his own. Eggsy bucked his hips forward trying to get as much friction as he could from his position, and when that was not enough, he slipped one of his hands between then, and palmed the other's crotch.

Jon let out a strangled gasp at the sudden touch, and tilted his head back as he pressed harder into Eggsy's touch. He missed this, probably more than Eggsy himself.

"Y'want more?" Eggsy's voice came out in a half whisper almost startling him, after all they were in an alley just outside a busy street, dark, but if anyone were to really pay attention they'd catch the two together. Despite it, Jon shook his head, and Eggsy worked open both of their pants, slipped his hand inside his underwear, and pulled out his cock without hesitation, and then did the same to his own.

The night air was cold on his cock, but not for long as Eggsy had thrust forward, gripping both their cocks, and began to rock a steady rhythm against him. Jon's head came back down, and captured the younger man's lips once again.

Jon took his lower lip between his teeth, and nibbled on it gently. Eggsy let out another whine, and bucked harder, faster into his hand. The older man released his lip, and bent forward further to whisper what sounded like dirty things into Eggsy's ear in Spanish.

The words encouraged him to pump faster, squeezing them tightly together before Eggsy gave one final, hard thrust releasing himself onto his own hand and the other man's cock. Jon wasn't far behind after feeling Eggsy's warmth leak onto himself. He came hard, collapsing onto the shorter man.

"I have to get back to work, but.." Jon was hesitant with his words, "wait here for me. I'll be right back after I find someone to cover the rest of my shift."

"Ok, bruv. I'll be right here."

Only he wasn't there when he came back out the same door only half an hour later. It was longer than he expected, but he didn't think that Eggsy would be that impatient, and just leave. So he walked around the area, and down the alley until he saw a familiar pair of trainers poking out from behind a dumpster.

Jon's heart leapt in his throat as he took in the image, and ran towards Eggsy. It was hard to see in the growing darkness of the alley, but up close he could see that the boy had been bashed up badly, and the wound on the back of his head clearly showed that he had been struck from behind.

"Eggsy!" Jon shouted trying to get the boy to open his eyes or say something to him, but the only response he could get from him was a barely audible name.

* * *

Harry had just finished packing things up for the night to head home when he saw the light on his screen flash. He hardly ever received incoming calls on his cell this late at night, so his curiosity had him reaching for the the phone faster than he would have normally.

He was stunned to see the name flashing on the screen. The last time he had physically seen Eggsy was in the boy's room back at the Kingsman medical center, and even then he wasn't able to say not even two words to the boy before he began to have another attack.

It was decided then that he should distance himself from Eggsy for a while as it had shown that Harry was the source triggering his panic attacks, and Merlin, together with Eggsy's therapist, had hoped that with time away from Harry he could regain his composure enough to be able to face him again.

That was the real reason for Eggsy's medical leave away from Kingsman, but Harry begged the therapist to keep it from Eggsy. He didn't want the boy to have another reason to hate him.

So if Harry wasn't quick to answer the phone, and let it ring until almost going to voicemail that was the reason. Even when he swiped right he was hesitant to say anything until he heard another man's voice and not Eggsy's, panic and fear, on the other end.

"Hello, Hello? Is this Harry? Mr. Hart? It's Eggsy..he's hurt really bad." The fight or flight adrenaline kicked on in Harry at those words.

"Where are you?" He said coolly not asking for an explanation as he wanted to get to the boy as soon as he could with not another second wasted.

He pulled up to the night club and all but flew out of the taxi, heading to the side alley that Jon had told him about. He jogged down the dark alley until he came up to a weeping brunette huddled over Eggsy.

Harry pushed him aside gently to assess Eggsy's condition. He was beat up good; split lip and cheek, bruising around one of his eyes, and what scared him the most, the small leaking wound behind his head that was now a knot the size of a ping pong ball.

Further examining the wound, Harry realized that with just a bandage he would be alright. The problem was getting him to wake up in case of a concussion that he was sure the boy had.

Harry scooped him up with a little help from Jon who looked at Eggsy with so much concern and affection that it made Harry's stomach twist with jealousy, but he was happy that Eggsy had Jon to care and watch ever him, regardless of his own feelings towards the Spaniard.

At least from what Harry could tell, he was a good man, and good to Eggsy; something he couldn't say about himself.

* * *

Eggsy woke up with a banging headache that he assumed was from the alcohol until he felt a sharp pain at the back of his head. A familiar scent wafted faintly in his senses, but he ignored it as he put most of his attention to the bandage on his head.

He had little memory of last night, and what he could remember, the spectacular jerk off he had with Jon in alley, didn't warrant a need for him to be bandaged up.

Eggsy wiped the sleep from his eyes, his vision still blurry, but not enough to abstract his view of his current surroundings. Panic started to kick in, and he could feel his chest slowly tightening up with each rapid heart beat. _I'm not drunk enough for this shit right now_ he thought to himself as he scrambled to get out of bed.

Despite the pounding of his head, Eggsy tripped down the stairs making a bee line for the scotch and gin Harry left out for when guests were over. He picked up the nearest bottle, and chugged it like his life depended on it, and it very well may have. Panic attacks made him feel like he was going to die; he didn't like to feel like he was going to die.

It scared him more than a trip to the ER did.

He could hear Harry now shouting at him from the top of the stairs, his usual light foot steps comings down the stairs fast and hard. He drank faster even as Harry tried to pry the bottle from his lips. Eggsy turned to grab the other bottle, but Harry tried to stop, putting his hands on the boy and yanking him to look at him.

"Harry," Eggsy said his best in between gasps, "I can't face you sober these drugs they gave me ain't shite, so if you don't want me turning blue on your floor you'll let me finish this bottle!"

"Eggsy the medication takes time you need to give them a chance to-"

"No, fuck you Harry! You don't get to do this to me, _you don't get to break me_ he really wanted to say to him, and then try to fix me! Fuck off, yeah?"

Eggsy turned up the bottle again until the amber liquid was gone, the scotch and gin coupled with his nerves caused his stomach to turn, but he could feel his anxiety lessening the more tipsy he became.

He could now properly look Harry in the eyes, and it was a horrible idea. Not because of his fear of having a panic attack, but his fear of being weak and throwing himself at his former mentor. He hadn't seen Harry for a week, but didn't really feel its effects until looking at the man now.

Harry stared back at him, motionless as if waiting for Eggsy to make the next move. He inched closer to him, feeling his heart wanting to cry, but pushing it back down painfully until there was a sore, lump-like feeling in his throat. He stopped and closed his eyes, wanting to pretend that nothing had been said about his father, that nothing from last week was real.

He wanted to pretend just this moment that he was still Harry's to do with as the older man pleased, as Eggsy pleased.

"Eggsy?" The voice he heard was soft and uncertain.

"Shut up! Don't fucking speak to me, remember? I just fucking can't right now!"

Eggsy opened his eyes and looked in Harry's direction. Harry looked wrecked in his current state; just wearing an old army tee, and what ever pyjama pants he was wearing for the weak. Harry never looked like that normally, and it, against Eggsy's will, turned him on.

Eggsy thought about how easily it would be to just march over to Harry, and push him up against the wall not caring if he knocked off any of Harry's numerous picture frames. He thought about how easily it would be to take advantage of the shocked older man, and how easily it would be to fondle his flaccid cock in his soft cotton pyjamas until it was hard in his grasp; how easy it would be to pull him down, and roughly kiss him.

His fantasy was starting to feel really good..a little _too real._ Eggsy realized that it wasn't a fantasy at all as he stared back at a dazed, hunched-over, Harry; his lips tinged red from Eggsy's rough administrations. He looked down at his hand that was still cupping Harry's hard on, but he didn't move it away.

He knew that he should back off, and get out of there, but he was drunk enough for this, drunk enough to blame it on the liquor, and excuse himself from all fault.

"Eggsy," Harry said finally raising his hands up to stave off the boy, "we shouldn't be doing this-"

"Oh what, now I'm not good enough to fuck anymore? You can close your eyes if you need to. I don't fucking care anymore, bruv." Eggsy said before grabbing Harry by the shirt, and dragging him to the table nearby.

He pushed him roughly onto it, messing up the neatly placed decor. Harry could get away easily, restrain him even, but Eggsy figured the older man was trying to pay some overdue penance or some shit like that. He didn't care as long as he got what he wanted before he left.

"Thought you was against this, thought we shouldn't be doing this, but here you are letting me 'ave my way. Maybe yer desperate to fuck an Unwin. Tsk, dinnit think you had a type, but was I fucking wrong."

Harry chose to ignore the last part of Eggsy's statement, refusing to be bated by the drunk boy.

"If I fight back you'll only get angrier, and I can't afford to have you any more angrier at me than you already are." Harry replied in a remorseful tone.

"Piss off! You don't give a fuck about me, an' I don't give a fuck about you. It's mutual."

He worked quickly at his pants, and yanked Harry's own pyjamas down with ease leaving him exposed on the table.

"Eggsy we could still stop this still.." Harry weakly fought back.

Eggsy grips Harry's hips, and drags him closer to his cock, and pays him no attention as he hoists the man's hips up, and shoves his cock deep inside. It takes all Harry has to bite back a scream, and before the white-hot pain can dissipate, Eggsy is moving again, deeper inside him as he stretches his body over him.

The boy rests his lips by his ear, just barely grazing the skin of his earlobe as he speaks into his ear.

"In fact Harry, I hate you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to make this clear Jon is still a model, but his jobs are slow in London right now so he helps out at his friends night club, the same place he met Eggsy. He likes to stay busy because he's not really an idle kind of person.
> 
> Also, idk how familiar y'all are with medication, but when you take it and drink alcohol the effects are magnified, causing you to be more drunk than someone who isn't on medication. So, even if he didn't drink the rest of Harry's alcohol he would have still been really drunk. So, he's like totally shitfaced at this point and I think his horniness and anger is the only thing able to allow him get up! lol xD (and plot of course)
> 
> P.S Eggsy might be chilling out after this chapter. I haven't decided yet.


	10. Say You Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy comes to his senses, and him and Harry have to deal with the aftermath of both of their mistakes. Merlin makes a much needed intervention while Eggsy is out on a mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Say you love me to my face  
> I need it more than your embrace  
> Just say you want me, that's all it takes  
> Heart's getting torn from your mistakes" - Jessie Ware, Say You Love Me

"In fact Harry, I hate you." The boy said, thrusting one more time before looking up at Harry when the man let slip a painful hiss.

It was a mistake on Eggsy's part when he looked at the source of the sound, or maybe it was a blessing he didn't realize he needed until snapped out of his crazed state, because the guilt he felt when looking back down at Harry's pained face that he was desperately, but unsuccessfully trying to shield from Eggsy made his gut wrench.

"H-Harry!" The boy in his panic pulled out of the older man too quickly causing him to let out a strangled howl, a single tear escaping from his tightly clenched eyes.

" _Shit..Harry.._ Th-This, I'm sorry, this ain't me, this ain't me." He repeated as he gathered himself together quickly, and tried to do so for Harry, but stopped when the man hissed again.

He didn't say anything to the boy as he rushed around his house looking for something, for what Harry wasn't sure until he came back with a lap blanket from the living room, and draped it around Harry's middle.

Harry tried to get up again, but Eggsy pushed him back down gently.

"Harry, you shouldn't move, you don't know if I've hurt-"

"I'm sore Eggsy, not hit by a car. I'm certain no harm will be done if I got off of this incredibly uncomfortable table."

He hoisted himself off the table, hissing as he pulled his pants back up, and walked carefully to the boy who was frozen in front of him. He wasn't even sure if the boy was still breathing anymore when he reached up to place his hand on Eggsy's shoulder; he had gone inhumanly still.

Eggsy glanced at it, and quickly shrugged Harry's hand off, stepping back away from him till there was a significant amount of space between them.

"No, fuck that Harry, don't you dare!" The sudden outburst confused Harry, but he didn't say anything, and just watched the boy leave as he slammed the door behind him.

Harry glanced at the clock on his wall, and realized that if he went back to bed now he could still get enough sleep for tomorrow. He limped up the stairs holding onto the railing as he went. His room was dark like he had left it when he heard Eggsy rushing down the stairs moments earlier except for a small glowing light on his night stand.

He made his way to his bed, sitting down slowly before picking up his phone.

_Eggsy:_

_15 minutes ago: 'You was going to tell me it's alright! You've already forgiven me 'aven't you!'_

_13 minutes ago: 'Well it's not alright! Nothings alright! Fuck Harry!'_

The text messages hurt to read, but he was happy to know Eggsy was alright, and hadn't accidentally stumbled into traffic or something else reckless..at least not yet. Harry sighed, and reached over to lay his phone back in its usual spot when it vibrated again. Harry held his breath hoping it wasn't another call from someone baring bad news about the boy.

He glanced at the screen quickly before the message preview faded away, not quite believing what he'd seen, and quickly unlocked his phone to read the message again, and again, and again..

_Eggsy:_

_32 seconds ago: 'I love you'_

* * *

His week had passed by in a blur, but not because of the alcohol he had promised to consume in that time. With enough constant pressure, Jon had convinced him to go to his behavioral therapist meetings.

Those meetings usual lasted an hour once a week for normal people, but due to Eggsy's special circumstances, his status as a Kingsman spy really, he was going everyday for a minimum of fifteen minutes that was required, but sometimes he stayed longer if he wanted too which was almost always.

And Jon was there with him escorting him to his meetings, and taking care of him afterwards. He never told the man what was discussed, and Jon never pried into his business either, just hugged him afterwards, and told him how proud of Eggsy he was, that he did a good job every single visit.

 _But Harry_..

Eggsy hadn't heard from him since that night even after sending him the last text message. He thought that maybe he would have got SOME kind of reply during the week either to shoot him down, tell him he was drunk, tell him he was absurd for sending something like that after what he had done, something besides silence.

Jon wasn't much help either when Eggsy tried to nonchalantly ask him about a certain scenario of 'what if you sent someone a text message saying you love them, but they don't reply'. Jon had looked at him oddly, but gave him an answer that left him exactly where he started.

_'Well it can mean that they don't feel the same, but don't want to hurt you through a text message, or you sent it to the wrong person..or maybe they love you too, but don't know how to say it. It's not easy for everyone.'_

He was sure that if Harry loved him that he would know exactly how to say it back. The man had years of experience making people believe he loved them; Eggsy could hardly imagine Harry not having the words to say something with his extensive, beautiful, posh vocabulary.

And how could he expect Harry to change his mind about him now after the way he acted. Sure he was still hurt about things between him and his father, still seethed with jealous, and angry when he thought about Harry making a move on a married man. But how could he go on being angry at Harry for something that happen almost twenty years ago? What he and Harry did, Eggsy had accepted in the beginning, and shouldn't have expected more from Harry.

But he loved him, and selfishly wanted feelings from Harry that weren't his to demand. And now he had really fucked up. He had hurt Harry in a very selfish way that made him more sick than thinking about his father and Harry locking lips.

Eggsy was standing outside the tailor shop, taking a deep breath as he stared at the gold letters. He was almost too deep in thought to hear someone calling out his name, their footsteps coming up quickly. He turned to see a smiling Jon carrying a tupperware container, his wild hair flopping all over the place. Even in his casual clothes he looked as though he was a model shooting a commercial.

Everyone was looking at them..like every time they were out together. How could they not, Jon was fit.

"Is that for me, bruv?" Eggsy half joked pointing to the food container, smiling back at the man who was catching his breath. Jon shook his head yes.

"I figured you'd need something somewhat healthy to eat on your first day back to work besides takeaway. I know your bad eating habits Eggsy Unwin."

"Ok _mum_!" Both just laughed in their shared space as people passed them by.

Jon raised his hand up and tidied up the pieces of hair that had fallen out of Eggsy's pomade-stiff hair style. He wiped his hands clean of the product, and straightened up his suit as well.

"There, perfect as always." Jon said in a hushed voice.

"No, you are bruv." Eggsy said grabbing one of the Spaniard's hands and squeezing it tightly.

Jon blushed, pulled away, and gestured towards the shop.

"You better get inside before you're late."

Eggsy nodded his head, "Thank you..for this, for everything really."

"Of course, anytime Eggsy." Jon said and waved goodbye walking off into the crowd.

Eggsy's hand still felt warm from holding his hand, and put it to his cheek as he watched his sun disappear in the distance.

* * *

_He was clearly drunk the text message meant nothing,_ Harry decided as he walked away from the window, and headed swiftly for dressing room one before having to encounter the boy.

Harry watched the full scenario play out starting from the smile that had grown on Eggsy's face, and felt his gut twist with jealousy when he saw the warm skinned model approach his boy.

The look on Eggsy's face was almost equally bright when the Tupperware his companion was holding was passed to him. But, what effected Harry even more was Eggsy's countenance when the man moved into his personal space, it was all soft, and distant, dreamy really.

Eggsy had looked at him like that once, but Harry squandered it, losing his only chance. At the time he didn't realize just how much he was going to want that chance.

 _I'm happy for Eggsy,_ he had to keep telling himself. Harry had wanted the boy to move on, gave him space to do so, and he had clearly done just that, but Harry had trouble believing the sincerity of his own thoughts.

Harry was greeted by Merlin immediately after getting out of the shuttle. It was odd for him to be away from his screens when they were as busy as they were currently, especially with Eggsy having been gone, and Tristan returning to the civilian world after learning of his girlfriend now Fiances pregnancy. But with the boy back at least things would begin to go back to their normal pace. Merlin was holding several folders in his arms, and Harry was sure that that's what had the man bombarding him before he could even get to his office.

"I need you to sign off on some of these missions Arthur. I'd have waited till you sat down, but I need to get some of these processed, and agents sent out as soon as possible." Merlin handed him the top folder. It was Bors.

"That urgent?"

"Yes."

"Didn't Bors just get back?" Harry was surprised that Merlin would be sending him out into the field so quickly. He usually took better care of his agents, and allowed them some down time.

"Yes, but until I get through the rest of these recruits I have no choice." Merlin let out an exasperated sigh.

"Are they giving you that much trouble?" Harry spared a grin, and a light chuckle in his friends direction.

"Worse than Hesketh and Eggsy I'm afraid."

"Tristan's untimely retirement, and Galahad's...medical leave," Harry worded carefully although they both knew what the issue was, "did leave you short-staffed. Hopefully with his return we can give some of the other knights a break."

Merlin shook his head in agreement, and handed Harry the next file as they went down the long sterile hall. Merlin watched him carefully as he opened the folder, and Harry realized it was an assignment for Eggsy which required immediate departure. Harry wasn't happy about sending the boy out so soon after returning, and he was sure that it was showing on his face by the way Merlin was staring back at him waiting for Harry to sign it off.

But knowing they were short on agents, Harry signed it off quickly not bothering to read the dossier which offered another odd look from Merlin.

"Is there something you want to say Merlin?" Harry asked curious about what was going through his friend's head.

"No, just surprised you didn't bother to read it because I was sure that you would fight me over this decision, but I guess I shouldn't complain it only makes my life easier."

"I trust that you gave Galahad what he can handle."

"Galahad?" Merlin wrinkled his nose at the somewhat foreign word that came out of Harry's mouth. He had thought the first time was a slip, or a mishap of some sort, and let it go.

"Yes, it's his title is it not?"

"Yes, but...you just never..nevermind." Merlin said, and picked up his speed leaving Harry to catch up with him.

Harry could here the man mumbling annoyingly to himself, "If I had hair it'd be gray because of you two." Harry heard in all that mumbling.

"Should I look at the rest of those files?" Harry called out as he caught up to Merlin.

"Shut up you arse." Merlin shoved another folder at Harry with just a hint of a smile on his face to let Harry know he wasn't completely in trouble.

Harry did a good job avoiding Eggsy the rest of the day, and with only an hour to go until his departure, he was stuck side by side with the boy and Merlin as they spoke to the remaining recruits. There was one recruit in particular that Harry guiltily wanted to fail, whom he noticed flushed and couldn't quite keep his eyes off Eggsy when the boy made his rare visits to them. The lad was a good kid, much like Eggsy, but without a temper, and definitely deserved to be there, but Harry did not need another Eggsy fanboy. Jon was more than enough for Harry to handle.

"Arthur." Eggsy said acknowledging Harry's presence.

"Galahad."

"Good grief." Merlin sighed out.

Both men looked at him, and Merlin dismissed the recruits for a moment as he ushered the other two men out.

"Thank you for all your help you two I think I can handle it from here." Merlin shoved them just enough to get them out of the room, and shut the door firmly behind them.

The two men just stood there stunned before the realization that they were so close their arms were touching set in, and quickly began putting space between themselves. Harry straightened his jacket, and Eggsy mimicked him. Eggsy cleared his throat, and Harry pointed his hand in front of himself gesturing for Eggsy to go ahead of him.

"After you." He said, and Eggsy obliged him, but began walking a slow pace not normal for Eggsy's usual speedy movement like he wanted Harry to catch up with him.

Harry could feel the boy's gaze fall on him several times, but it was so quick that it did not give Harry enough time to return his gaze. He knew that there was something Eggsy wanted to say, but he never found the words for it, or Harry just didn't give him enough time too before he distracted the boy with what he said next.

"I saw that your boyfriend brought you lunch today that was very kind of him. He seems like a good lad." _Smooth Harry._ He almost wished he could take back his words.

"Damn it Harry he's not my boyfriend." Eggsy stopped leaving Harry just a couple steps in front of him.

Harry could feel the intensity of Eggsy's stare on him. He knew that the right thing to do was to excuse himself, and keep walking, but Harry wasn't always known to do the right thing. So, he turned around to face the rest of Eggsy's rant that he was sure would follow.

"You really think me like that? That I would just move on like that, that I'd forgive myself so easily to be able too? He's just a friend got it? A friend that was there for me when everyone else was obviously too busy." Harry knew that that was a jab at him for not responding to his messages, and it made him feel guilty. He knew that Eggsy was going through a hard time, and that it was partially his fault.

He thought that him being absent from the boy was the best thing, but obviously he had been wrong again just like it seemed that he was wrong about Eggsy's text message. All he had to do was say the words that Eggsy needed to hear, but Harry couldn't form them or wouldn't; a piece of him still wanting Eggsy to mad at him for what he had done all those years, and for falling for Eggsy as well.

"He doesn't see you like that Eggsy..he has feelings for you." Harry finally says not sure really where he was going with this.

"You think I don't know that?" Eggsy's face twisted in irritation. He could tell that this wasn't a conversation he wanted to have with him right now.

"Then what's stopping you? He's certainly ideal." Harry didn't know why he was frustrated with Eggsy or why he was pushing the boy for answers he didn't want to hear.

"Fuck you Harry! If you fancy him so much then by all means go after him yourself. You have my blessing." Eggsy spat out, striding up to Harry, and shoving him with his shoulder as he stormed passed him not looking back once.

"Eggsy!"

"Well that's not how I expected things to go." Merlin finally spoke.

"And just what were you expecting?" A sigh accompanying the end of his sentence.

"Definitely not this. I was hoping you two would make up, so I could be spared from all this angst and sexual tension."

"Angst yes, but there is no sexual tension between us Merlin."

"Yeah, ok." Merlin didn't sound convinced, and neither did Harry.

* * *

Eggsy looks at the haphhazard bandage around his lower middle the best he could in the dim light of the small storage he found himself held up in. He could still hear the commotion of his botched assignment going on around him. Shouts, firing of weapons from the goons looking for him, obviously shooting at nothing. Perhaps they were made as warning shots to draw him out of his hiding place.

The wound on his side was unrelenting, the rags of his undershirt that served as his bandaged were already soaked and dripping. Eggsy doing his best to remain calm as he waited patiently for the help that Merlin promised was coming, ripped some more at his tattered clothes, and pressed it to his wound. He had hoped it was Roxy, a warm, friendly face that would be comforting to see when slipping in and out of consciousness. God forbid it were Percy, the man already looked like the Grim Reaper walking around Kingsman.

His head felt more fuzzy and his vision began to blur making him a bit more impatient, "Merlin where's that backup ya promised?" His impatience and worry starting to seep through into his voice.

"On her way," _Oh Good_ Eggsy thought, "why what's the matter? I thought you said you had this handled? 'All patched and ready to go' you told me."

"Yeah well I may have underestimated this flesh wound." Eggsy huffed out a weak laugh that Merlin quickly recognized. He'd had heard it before when the boy tried to be brave after Harry returned from Kentucky.

"Speak to me boy." Merlin's demand was more fear than frustration that Eggsy had heard earlier in his tone.

"Lower middle, I'm bleedin' Merlin, it just won't stop, and..and I'm feelin' a bit fuzzy can't even clear my mind long enough to remember the last thing I ate.." Eggsy stopped to take a shallow breath.

Merlin had gone quiet for a while, and Eggsy had stayed quiet not wanting to interrupt the man who was busy trying to make sure he came back alive. Only minutes passed, but it felt like hours the colder Eggsy became, and the colder he became the more he began to panic.

"Merlin," Eggsy called out like a child waking up from a nightmare, "Merlin?"

"Yes boy?" Merlin was calm again, probably to help Eggsy to not worry about his situation, but it had the opposite effect.

"Merlin, Harry doesn't know right? I-I don't want him to know. Like you'll keep this between us right, let him know after this is all over, yeah? I don't want him to know..."

"Of course lad, but let him know what?"

"That I'm scared," Eggsy had to stop and calm himself lest he break out in a sob, and alert those goons of his location, "like I knew this came with the job, that I could die, but not like this; not scare, not hiding, but like my father protecting someone who's important. Harry's important to me I-"

"Go on boy." Merlin said softly and insistently. Eggsy assumed it was his handler's way of keeping him distracted from the bleeding mess that his hands pressed at uselessly. But despite Merlin's efforts, there would be nothing that could distract him from the feeling of his own blood warming his chilled fingertips.

"I..Merlin I'm happy sometimes that my father did what he did. It used to be because I was a proud son, but now..ever since falling for Harry all I can think about is that I'm happy he's alive, that Harry's alive not that my father was a hero and saved you guys, no offense guv. That's selfish ain't it?"

"No at all, and thanks lad, no offense taken."

Eggsy nodded off for a moment, and when he came through Merlin's voice still sounded as if he was farther away, and not in his ear despite the man shouting in his ear. He thought that he could hear Harry too, or maybe it was just his imagination, after all Merlin made a promise, _to a dying man!_ Eggsy thought, Merlin wouldn't lie to a dying man, to him would he?

"What did you tell Harry? I'm sure you had to brief him after sending Rox." Eggsy could hear a sigh of relief come from his handler.

"Ye scared me lad, and I told him you needed backup nothing unusual."

"Good."

"Would you like me to send for him?"

"No," Eggsy's response was a little louder than what was safe, and quieted his voice before speaking again, "he don't need to hear this, don't want him to know about my regrets."

"Your regrets?"

"We had a fight before I left, and a fight before that, and one before that," Eggsy coughed tasting something strange coming up with it, but he kept going like he was talking to a priest, his last will and all that, "what if I don't make it back, and I never get to make things up with him, what if I never get to hear him say-"

"I love you Eggsy." Harry said with all the urgency he could muster in those four very important words.

" _Bloody hell_ I'm hallucinating Merlin."

"I'm afraid not my boy. You're coming home, and we'll sort this mess out when you get back."

"Harry I've heard that before," Eggsy had to pause for another shallow breath that he recognized felt emptier than the last, "and if you remember," he chuckled now, "it dinnit go all that well." Eggsy smiled even though Harry couldn't see it.

"I came home didn't I?" Harry's voice was soft now.

"Yeah, yeah you did." With that said, Eggsy closed his eyes not having the strength to fight them anymore. He could hear a new commotion off in the distance; rounds from the rain maker, and Roxy's preferred pistol he recognized, but it sounded so far away. Like  _he_ was far away.

"Eggsy I'm almost to you now we're going home!" Roxy's voice was anxious as she ran in his direction, and grew even more anxious when her mate didn't respond, "Eggsy? _Eggsy!_ " She finally reached the door to Eggsy's little hiding space, and swung it open. Roxy gasped, and everyone was quiet besides Harry who spoke up with words that sounded like it would mean Roxy's end if she didn't fulfill them.

"Get him home Lancelot."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this seems like its moving fast, but I never intended on this to be a long fic, so I'm kind of having to condense things. I hope that doesn't effect the story too much for you all!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that this wasn't too terrible! Comments and suggestions are always welcomed!


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